uncertain future

LIFE ~ wish all its the best FOCUS ~ in work, the energy mould to that path LOVE ~ i have a lots of love, well,juz my love hasnt spark yet... hahahah not at the moment WORK ~ got to find another job, nothing is forever what! HIDUP , SIHAT, NIKMAT da ngantuk, timeless makes me feel so appreciate time so much than b4, i will continue this journey and make the best for it... no more him, him, him, him, him, and him and him :)).... so many him ya... all of them are r*****, really, focus on my work, which is more important now, than nythg..... ZZZZZzzzzZzzZZzZZz

bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from anyharm dat will cause...

tiring, a loads of things going on, well this is life then, i want to make it meaningful... the moer i focus on my work, the more i did wrong, strange and dunno y it happened, him... dats it, its juz a fling to me... im done with him, never enuff? well, i have my own time limit, my own rules, my own teritory and my own boundaries...
it wont happened again, yes i feel cheated, i surpass that feeling, now juz im neutral.

LOVE.... endlessly... hahaha well nothing is forever.... human did stupid things for diffrent reasons, like me, i know i crossed the line, but well, i already got what ive wanted... well... now i make my move, him.... i dont know, i juz want the sincerity and truthfullness, well we'll see... im prepared.. thre's no hope at all, i juz go with the flow about my life now... another him, still sickening, still i cant read his mind but its soo fucking over, c i have to curse, yeah u dont want me, like i want u back but dont asked anymore.... cant u feel shame about urself, o my god, i dont know what is happening to him.....

LIFE .... keeps flowing, keep bumping, well i still can manage things it shud be fine.....

WORK --- god i need more energy :((, feel dunno upset with my performance dunno y lor.... huhuhuhu...

WISH - for smooth sailing ahead, better life, better performance, succeess and hapiness all the way!

HIDUP, SIHAT, NIKMAT!

nice, heavenly, evil me heheheh....

well, things goin smooth today, and my housemet likes me... i asked my fren, all the swit things dat he sd, all the men longed for me... but y he left me... urm... called my iranian frens, and might meet up somewhre next wik hopefully i dont have to go to s'pore...... nothing much to said, he seems cool, matured, aged guys, atleast i dont have to face 'that' kind of situation anymore!

life.. seemssss much much wonderful....

lack of green... add it some... life.. seems very2 interesting today.... oh since las nite... well, im not a service center, and come 1 more sms... which is makes me... wondering.... i didnt do nythg, juz be myself, nyjoy what ive did... and do... urm... very2 surprising... like sheede sd, men cant resist me.. oh reallly? urm... i dont know which side and part of me is dat.. but.. he left me.. juz dont care, it about the past.... why i shud brought up the subject ya...

its not about forgiveness... i cant feel nythg, but i can feel certain things which is some ppl wont feel n understand, i dont underestimate nybody.. i dont jugde... but i can feel.... the energy is thre... the voice that i will hear, the eyes which sometimes hide cos u see not what u feel....

love is evrywhre... haf to focus on work... love is evrywhre, i belive when the time comes, the time will comes... maybe i look naive, innocent, u can sd whatever u think, but... m unpredictable... really.. i can be sooo damn gud, nauti and very very devilish.... of cos ppl dont know what ive been into for all these years... juz value all those things which passes me by evryday... i dont care wether u r sooooo damn rich, or whatever... well... u juz human.... not more than human, which i can see tru things... this part hv to thank specially to god... the chosen one... hahahaha like mtv plak....

i value evrythg, i observe tru feelings.. im not looking tru the eyes but the heart... after second phase... it would be soo much fun in terms of evrything... specially... ehem ehem... yeah...its for my own gud what.. what i want... urmm.. u have to know what do u want... what do u need, i know what i want... but seems thing is sooooo complicated now, i have to back off... cos i can feel every movement, evry intention... so... i dont want to lead the game nymore.. same bored story or game... ive took the risk b4, and ive won, which game i didnt won.. talk big... no... its the truth, im tired with those game nymore... juz want to settle down which some of my frens know which kind of guy that i want...

though life is lonely at this time, but... i value it... cherish evry moment dat ive been tru past this weeks... focus what do u want, be sincere, thankful to god and be blessed.... and life become more and more wonderful... sometimes things happen without reasons....

Y my sorrounding is soooooo tense today? huhuh

i lack of green colours, anyway... life is soo gloomy , flat and low today.... well, i dont want anythg stupid will happen to me, sms sheede kat cairo, yeah, he will listening all the keluhan rasa, dat is what frens r for rite, and called waney... yup.. m not cheap, not stupid, not blind anymore... like i dont know what u want from me.. sorry guys have to be general... so rasa2 sapa2 yg trasa tu.. m not say sorry, but believe me... when the times come the times will come, buku ngan ruas...

i want to make my life is beautiful, happy and lots of lots of lots of joy and love... no one cud understand what crap m talking about, at this time i know a lots of lots of idiots want to make a move and take advantage on me, well, that wont happened... i believe dat, love cant come like a weeks or two, love need times and evrythg, i dont blame nyone ere, juz why they cant think anythg else except sex, dont u know how or feel respect, love, life, understanding...

na.. i juz want to get rid of evrytg, i know currently m fragile, but its dont mean that m stupid, blind though i look innocent... i look petite or whatever.... but still... thre's a lot ppl will protect me and guide me... no one can touch k****'s family.. never... and ever... love is swit but revenge is better but it was... now ive changed ;), no revenge, no hatred, wish no more sadness, loneliness and emptiness, gloomy and flat...

thanx sheede, afaz, waney... k.ida.. sapa lg.. of cos my sis and my sifu....i know life is beautifull sometimes... all the bumpy road its too hard for me to take... the river full of stone, the sea with soo many iceberg... urm.. hard to breath, my chest painful.... too sad to handle things... ppl wont c the fragile part of me that much xcept sheedee... rite? suke laa tu, org dok puji2 die...

god, i want to be the gr8 servant of yours, i want to archive what ive wanted, ive choose this bcos, this is my decision and i know that u know the result, make me strong, make me great, im juz a human being, y my life seems need a break, i dont curse, i make spell, cos it not about the glimpse but its a matter of doing well.... for 26 yrs my journey... i do a lots of things.... gone tru all my karma, like now... make bad wish, being soooo nauti, being soo unpredictable... yeahyeah.. dont believe ur eyes, ur eyes will alwis lie to u... errr sometimes heheh... :-*.. c me in ur dream, the dream that wont last, i alwis be me, if u r since enuff our frenship will last... take care, c ya in next blog.....

me n my life

urm... settle evrything, move out, changed number... onli my work.. waaa :((, kene marah ngan bos, make sure it didnt happen, the quality dat counts.... at last ive met him, he's cute, swit, charm.... petite like me... well, juz hoping for the best lor...
when ive returned the key, seems the parents regreted and hoped that something gud will happened, reconcile ( cam slah spell jek), but.. in my heart, thre's nothing left anymore... like what he told me, things happened for reasons, move on, now... it is what will i do.. i will stop smoking for sure, i wont cut my self(barberque promises), happy to be happy, wif my new life, cos i know, its not about me, its about him.... life is a big jokes n just laugh all the way... lor...

i missed someone, dunno wether its rite or wrong, dont be jugdemental, hope for the best, hope for positive, be positive all the way....n put the highest tot, its never too late...cos ppl dat create time...its nice to be wif him... i cant sd much... its only in my heart.....

take care guys... lots of love to u... and many thanx... need time to adjust a few things... in my life....well after all
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL....

a past so deep that even you could not bury if you triedafter all this timeI never thought we'd be herenever thought we'd be herewhen my love for you was blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowa part of me died when I let you goI would fall asleeponly in hopes of dreamingthat everything would be like is was beforebut nights like this it seems are slowly fleetingthey disappear as reality is crashing to the floorafter all this timeI never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be herewhen my love for you was blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowa part of me died when I let you goafter all this timewould you ever wanna leave itmaybe you could not believe itthat my love for you was blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you will ever knowa part of me died when I let you goand I loved you more than you'll ever know a part of me dies when I let you go

urm... i was blind.... but now ive open my eyes.... tired, at last, can go back 2mrw, yeay.. boss cam nak balik jek yehaaaa.... suke... balik awal.... x sempat nak write stuff byk2... x perlaa... urm.. got call from kl, not my sis, happy? hehehe yup... no reason, like ive told some1, do we need reason to love some1?... i dont think so, some of things we dont need reason.. like... the spritual thingy, let it be.... urm.. kat sini x leh ckp byk2... kene sekat2... urm...
miss m'sia, those ppl that care for me lor......

urmm.....

urmm... still ere, still breathing, still as wonderful as i can be... having my lunch... at 4, hahaha but no worries come at 12, following the bos meh, gastric asidic... but well the air compression maybe... somebody misses me... my sis of course... heheh... yup missed her too... to close, gud and bad sometimes... ya ya when uve into my 'thingy' then u know.... y heheh....
another person also misses me... the 1st time come to the spore, feels like, i know dat nobody's waiting and not leaving nybody... but now... :).... no answer hahahah... oh god, thanks for evrythg...
across the nite, beneath the ocean, ive let go the memories, and now im ready to begin, journey without u, to live without u, this is ur choice n this is my decision. i wont turn it back, i wont live in past, i have to go on, in oder to make my new love last....
to be continue.... lapa... nak mkn dulu.... ;)
now 9 plus, still in the office, so take this chances to continue my blog... period pain.... huhuhu think go back on friday.. seems like, plus with the photo still not fin to print out... nvm, m okay... nothing much to complaint, got hsbc intervw, dunno want to go or not, for the sake of enjoying the intervw mabe... hehhehehe.... having fun? of course, m njoying everythg, compare to the last time.. really... tired? we are human, of cos u will feel that, but if u r enjoy the thing it shudnt be dat bad though...
shedee.. dunno senyap lak, my credit is running very2 low, yeah... now evrybodys look like to call me n sms me, but when in m'sia nobody wanted to.. i miss ehsan... dunno how is he coop with his back, hopefully he will getting better... now dun have much iranian fren, atieh, nobody want to teach me those persian, divune, koshkol, akhamaq, those bad words, gooidamit... ahahah... miss those days, the fud, the tibits... urm...
well, hoping everyday will be soo much wonderful and beatiful and smooth sailing..... thanx frens, thanx sis, thanx sifu and specially to god, cos m njoying more than ever..... meaningful of life, become more and more powerful in term of spiritual power... journey will continue......

STILL....

yup, still ere... khamis br balik, tunggu photo printing, staff x ckp today, tem staff pon tadek, kelam kabot giler, pg2 dah dkejutkan ngan sms yg x disenangi, skang nie tgh bz, td da ok sket, ada org ajak dinner umah die, home cook and guys cooking heheheh... 1st time though..
HUH... what a day, but go back early today yehaa... early pon its like arnd 8 oso... yesterday..shopping, bought a skirt. boots.. an investment, no clubbing ere, no time, but got a gud frens around ere, personal shopper heheheh.....
life seems' pretty hetic today, oh reallly, but still can manage... nak beli hp kida cam x sempat, next trip soon, i tot ive deleted the pix, but he got copy of dat, whatever... and he still not agree wif the pix dat ive email, men, full of reasons and evrthgs, yeah, i know not all, whatever... but dont hunt me in my dream nymore, im tired wif all the games...
let me settle in peace, urm.. maid sini sumi namanyer, baik sekali, ... haahhahaha gaya2 indon, x apalaa... well. i will miss s'pore, frens, shopping... ada laa beli souviner budus2... itu jek yg mampu, salary x dapek lg, claim lg laa... nie kie blom pon sebulan... im ok, fine with this job, for a moment, life is meaningless, and i want to make it happy, go with the flow... i love me!

kije yg melambak

hahaha... gud morning evrybody... skang nie kene siapkan kije by 2mrw, by hook or by crook, well, life, i want to make my life meaningful as the life is meaningless... i want to create my whole day to be such a wonderful moment by value evry moment, evry precious moment, kata laa divune pon, its my life, my journey and only me who can create and make it meaningful. sure my sis miss me hehehe... semlm juz sms jek dpt... soon nak wat telepathy, urmm.. so evrythg would be secret and only us cud know n understand, missing malaysia? not really.. im more to missing a few people... i know dat the person knows... sending an energy towards them and telling i m missing them :-*...... m njoying what am i doing now, appreciate what god gave to me and will give to me.. be blessed my frens... put the highest tot, alwiz and be positive... god helps who helps themselves..... amen...

dah kat kol 6, org melambak2 kat luor, data entry x siap lg, headache tatau asal,... dah kuar kan pix yg xberhati perut tuh.. kang org kata aku saiko lak heheh... dunno exact date to go back to mesia... nak kene pendah lg, nak kene tuko line br lagi... byk kije tp enjoy laa juge.. biarlaa what other ppl saying about whatever things.... who am i to jugde, who can tell u what is rite or wrong... afraid a bit to trust other ppl, after 1 by 1 incident happend, juz wish god give me soo much strenght to move on, to face life... to continue my journey... cutoff or detachment.. ill do both urmm.... life, something or like it!

hehehe safe n sound

urm.... shidee suke sgt biler moaning camtu :)) cam die pernah dgr lak, well... mlm td tiduran ku dganggu... cumel namanyer didi, tadek laa ganggu sgt, tp tgh2 time tido... its juz i think im sounded sexy hahah perasan.... x leh lama... bos dah jeling2 hahah... ada masa update lagi...

ke S'pore lagi...

br sampai umah, settle kan a few things, pg td ada meting ngan olympia, will get the biz, not worry at all, tatau plak kali ni balik biler hehehe.... m njoying this job, but the parents seems the opposite.. hahahah whateverlaaa parents tot.. ppn kene dok opis, x leh bjalan2 salu kot laaa. worried too much... i feel... pas ni layan bleach.. cam bese laaa ngan anime, dah tue2 pon camni .. age is juz a number.. time is timelss... ppl create the time...
byk nak kene spend masa kije nie, dis n dat, bukan nak complaint but now.. m njoying every moment.. i appreciate more..i love mylife like dis, soo many things happend a past few weeks back.. well i managed to overcome evrythg at last, thank god and thank to the kalam's' family specially my SIFU, he knows much better than the rest, we r not depend on him, but he is our guide towards the journey.. ppl wont understand much though...
well, ive change alot and it makes me sooooooo happy... tremendously happy, god knows.. i believe dat, i wont get angry ezly, pissed off ezly.. changed for myself.... gud things will happen, i know n i believe....
i wont talk about my past life ere... basically wif all the men, my latest xbf... thre's nothing to talk about wif, nothing to share wif, all i know dat i love myself.. and those who come after dis, sure they will love and lots of love they will give.. dat is promising... hehehe.. let gone be by gone!

the journey will continue... it wont end, in never end.. just put the highest tot, be positive... and clear the subconcious mind... clear my database... to be stabilize and the enlightment process will be much eziar and faster.. want to be a witch.. well.. seems its not suitable so... i'll do tantric instead.. :)) master of it... ahahhaa..

frens.. i love u guys no matter who u r, m not a judgmental person.. the way i used to .. err mabe... i love evrythg, njoying evrythg......

this is me then....