living by a moment

Living by a moment hurm.... well what m doing now, him... i dunno m simple, m become more n more neutral nowadays, dont feel nything so much which i love it, i love my self, i love god, i love *** ahahah.... life u have to move on, yesterday is the past, now now is present, and now m doing my blog, walking away from my past life... sad a bit, but for what i have to feel dis way isnt? now m back to my sense... happy tho... whatever it is, my self is my priority... i dont want ny scandal nymore, tired laa... happy juz being me, happy wif my sorrounding..... god blessed me!

There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause
you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo

I don't know about y'all but I
know about us and uhh it's the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

Do you remember girl, who was
he one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl who was the one
who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

Now if you loved when we were younger you were mine
And when I see from time to
time I still feel like, (that's my baby)
And if I see you no matter how I try to hide (I can't hide it)
And even though there's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo

Yes I remember boy, cause after we
kissed I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy, the moment
I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

I don't know about y'all but I know about us and uhh it's
the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

M wif U

Hurmm... moaning ahah... no... m have a great day which will end juz a few hours and m blessed cos things goes smoothly as the way it shud be, the key words is to be happy, thankful n blessed to god, and no complaint, like dis morning ahahah abg answer me.. surprised and funny... " buat tatau je' ahaha.. it was soo surprising.... i have lunch date wif him... hurm.. m happy to meet him today really... atleast i didnt meet him once a yr like b4 ok... he looked tired... fucked up actually according to him.. on top of dat alot of things, not pity but concern... m more relaxed when wif him, comfortable, yeah.... i do know he liked me b4 but afraid to commit and well now m trying to be what he told me b4 it for my own benefit not nybody else...

Ill do what i enjoy most, life is meaningful when u make it meaningful... o have to master urself not seeking for something which is vague, i belongs to evrybody and yet i dont belongs to anybody... so far... later i dont know... u have to love urself b4 u love others... u have to care urself 1st... thanx for alwis gvg me advice, attention to those who be thre for me for all times...

Love is evrywhre.. i can feel dat, him... i dont know... cos if he wants to act like dat for the whole life to me oso i dont care and i do nothing nymore.. really... fed up, ive tried to be more myself but yeah, if he wants to cont like dat what can i say even, be professional and deal wif ur own feeling, like he sd hu ha fwens is alwis be thre compare the so called gud fwens, hu ha fwens is more realiable ... sooo like him, .. i like him from the beginning ok not yesterday.... i have crushed on him a long before ive graduated really.... i dont go for a looks honestly, i wish i have a happy ending with who i will share my life with, commit my life wif ;)

Come my way......

shedee: apsal pulak lg
bchan:
bchan: ntah
bchan:
bchan: well....
bchan: i already let go the feeling
shedee: napa
shedee: he push the lovvveee thing ke
bchan: urm...
bchan: thre's no love thing bitwin us at the 1st place please
bchan: funny rite
shedee: ok2
shedee: soo
shedee: apa yg depressed sgt
bchan: dunno....
bchan: hate myself for this kind stupid things
bchan: alwis feels like dat
bchan:
shedee: u do adored the guy
shedee: but denying the thing
bchan: yes
shedee: mcm tu
shedee: ooo
bchan: cos i know... we cant be 2gether even if i want to
bchan: isnt ?
shedee: betul laa
bchan: apa yg btul..?
shedee: betul la org nyer soklan tue
bchan: i know u wouldnt understand what ive been tru now
bchan: rite... like my fren sd, is hard for me to trust somebody and is hard for me to look around for others as well
shedee: nooo
shedee: ok
bchan: asal senyap
shedee: manade package yg lengkap
shedee: mcm u nak
shedee: huhuhuh
bchan: really
shedee: mesti ada kurrengnyeeeeeeee
bchan: b sedey
bchan: tp xde laa sedey sgt
bchan:
bchan: i do understand
bchan: situation
bchan: really
bchan: but feelings u cant denied, u cant lied
shedee: so?
shedee: sms x dpt gak ke
bchan: i dunno what to do
bchan: i dont care
bchan:
bchan: x
bchan: die x reply
shedee: muka dia ngan mustafa kamal sama ke
shedee: mesti hunky
bchan: idak laaa
bchan: iskk...
bchan: x hunky
bchan: gate
bchan: cute n swit
bchan: ok laa
shedee: apsal lak abg yg gate
bchan: not dat bad
shedee: ce susun sket plot nue
bchan: m not ez to fall in love
bchan: ok
shedee: u kan ada ego
shedee: ego yg sweet
bchan: dgr laaa dulu
shedee: tp xde la srong sgt ego tue
shedee: ok2
shedee: (lempang je abg nie..)
bchan: camni i dont know , dat i cud let myself like him...
shedee: cam b da x bergerak
bchan: which i knoew dat we cant be 2gether
shedee: ok
bchan: now.. i have to get rid form my mind
bchan: be who i am b4
bchan: i know... this is juz a feelings
bchan: which i cud bear...
bchan: i dont want this stupid things feeling affect my whole life.. whcih is not i know
bchan: r u thre
BUZZ!!!
shedee: hihihihh
shedee: ada nie
shedee: risau la tue
bchan: a bit la..
bchan: but..
bchan: well things happen for reason...
bchan: i dont want to jeopardize his relationship of cos
bchan: i know i can get a much much much better than im.. or whoever i with b4
bchan: on the phne
shedee: SAMA SAPA
bchan: yam
shedee: YAM?
bchan: mariah
bchan: mariam
shedee: mcm nama kawan sekolah aku je
bchan: tgk laa fwenster kite
shedee: ooo
bchan: heheh
bchan: idak laa
bchan: bdk2 lagi tuh
shedee: bkn dia tue ke yg kawan im
shedee: ooo
shedee: ok2

well... atleast somebody is listening my feelings... m sad.. but not dat sad... life dont invite situation like what m did hahah.. well.. it wont last long... the truth is... hope for the best... to me... i love to talk about life.. like when m with my coach b4.. alot of things to say evrything.. like now.. all the nonsense things ive... be blessed wif what i have now... be thankful to god HIDUP SIHAT NIKMAT and..no need to complain.. seek for the truth and the truth will set u free... hope for the best for eternity....

now feels back on the track... love to be me... love to be myself.. whatever it is... heart, mind, soul and act shudnt b contradict... thank you god!!!

Thank You! by Home Made Kazoku

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I know what u WANT

This is really me... ive already pass that stage i guess.... well.. i dunno... now juz proceed wif what i have... life seems smoother. Bleesed and thankful to go wif what m tru now... fwens who supported me... of cos... be thre for me... m sleepy tired for a lot of things to do today..thre's a thing i dont want to know, like me and him, and another him.... i do like him.. but dat's it.. i have to bear that things cant be happening bitwin us.. at all..... small thing i guess.. its juz a matter or time... t him its a thrill... me.. part of teasing, part of flirting, part of liking him... i know its not rite or wrong... its juz of.. part of my life after him... i cant take it seriously... dat is the thing now.. its just a lust or more, its juz a like or more... which i have to stop.... i dont want to define that feeling now or never cos i can hide i know dat, m a gud pretender of cos... but i dont want to ruined my life again, m happy wif now... my condition.... bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from any harm dat will cause, across the nite, tru the day, all happiness and luck will be in my way...

Well, this songs dedicated to him... plus psd ahaha.... maybe if not in this life, our next life will be... who knows... ahaha... he needs something i feels, love, affection, attention.. care. i dunno but dat is the thing that i really feels.. well what to do ma... he wont really fall for women like me... i dunno y, kinda life plus who he is.. i do feel.. but like i care... i know what i want is more than enuff now... can i be wif him. can i have him... well to be honest.. i dont know and at this point i dun wan to know.... i have to work harder.... to achive more in mylife now... love is still around me.. god alwiz be thre..... amen.... i do like u... we can develop things together.. its nota promise... cos i know.. what is love, what is suffer and whats is fatigue... be blessed and thankful to god and happiness all the wat tru to u...

Yes you know I'll die for you
And ya know I'll ride with you
I will always try with you
And give ya my love and cry with you

I will climb a mountain high
Until I was up to touch the sky
So baby come and get more close to me
This is where your love is supposed to be

Mariah Carey Ft. Busta Rhymes - I Know What You Want (Video)

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i have No Fear....

pussy cat dolls ft busta rhymes - don t cha

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Life started normal today... sick but like i care if m sick, its juz a matter of time... to heal back, evrything its alwis like this... u drive me crazy, just cant sleep.... crazy but it feels allrite... urm.. i left all behind... m starting to be okay now... suffer its juz an illusion somehow... love is still evrywhre... not now m focus on my work which is my priority... i dont want to look back anymore... i dont want to get lost anymore... what's been done, its already the pass.... about all him (sssss) in mylife also i dont want to know... they can do whatever they want but nothing can stop from what i want in life now...

marriage? i dont know.. for now of cos... work is moer important.... relationship will comes later.. bout that boy... i have no comments as well... he has his own way to deal wif his m already walk away from 'that life' as i mention, i do like him... but i know my limitation, boundaries, my terrority of cos... m a big women now... i have brains to think.. well.. dat kind of boy ez to handle... as far as i can see he needs love and attention... well... i cant make any decision... his life... and this is mylife... been thre tru dat rite... y i have to be wif the person which didnt appreciate me... i value myself... appreaciate myself.... to go i have faith, to love is to be destiny... what ever i have, i devoted now and then... to eternity...

The day Dat.......

the day that shud for bid myself from hearing and thinking bout him, what is the past remains as it is... nothing can changed and i dont want to change it, as i mention b4 ive wasted my youth, wasted my time... as my fren said y shud i be so stupid, life must goes on, whatever it is...
i passed all the sadness, ive asked god to take my sadness away, its been like a impact, huge impact, but now, dat feelings changed.... i have what that i need, if not all but partly which is now m count my blessing, towards this journey, towards my end, my life shud be happy, from all the time within.
being stupid calling him, being stupid view back his pixies wif his 'special fwen' , but i have to let go this feeling... by remember something new, yummy ahahah.... u know who... of course, a fling juz a fling, if u want me to be in ur arms... u know how does it feel... ahahahaha..... well, being 'biatch' is not a sin, love is not a sin, love shud makes u happy from within..... kiss u here, kiss u at the 4head, life is not ez, but u will remember me untill u dead....

Ahora que ya mi vida se encuentra normal, ooh, ooh
Que tengo encasa quien suena con verme llegar, ooh, oh
Ahora puedo decir que me encuentro de pie
Ahora que me va muy bien

Ahora que con el tiempo logre superar, hmm
Aquel amor que por poco me llega a matar, no
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor
Ahora el fin vuelvo a ser yo

[1] - Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y otra vez pierdo la calma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se me desgarra el alma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se borra mi sonrisa
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y mi mundo se hace trizas

Ooh, oh, hey
Ahora que me futuro comienza a brillar, hmm-mm
Ahora que me han devuelto la seguridad, oh, whoa
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor
Ahora al fin vuelvo a ser yo

iN a Dream................

Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.

I see you almost everyday, noticed your smiled and your thugged out ways.
Usually not attracted so intensely to a man your type
but your mystery intrigues me, let me show you what I'm like.

Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.

When I think about the possibilities of you ending up really feelin' me,
I get all flushed and wonder why I'm so infatuated with a guy --
your so so so, uncompatible.
I'm gonna make my move,
I'm gonna make my move, I'm gonna let you know that I'm feelin' you.

Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.

You're so appealing to me, by every fantasy.
In your eyes, I see you and i. together we can
start a family, love lets erase the vanity, you and i.

urm.... taking things slow, taking things even much better... love to feel this, like to be this... no commitment, nothing's strange, i have to be strong... i have to be sincere cos m seeking for the truth and sincerity.... in life... atleast i know how sincere he is, reasons... well, as i mention before, things happen for reasons... what category i am it doesnt matter... cos m not in either category, under god's eyes and protection, to love is god, to err is still human, i need from god, is under his love and protection.

nothing shud i care, except myself, nothing shud i be, except myself, whatever it is its hard to be me... love is alwis in the air, happiness is alwis around me... just i have to be open and be a receiver... for certain cases anyways.... be thankful to go, be blessed with his mercy.... i am, complaining??? i dunno , is it m complaining, very difficult to say.... wish the love will fade away... throw away all the sadness, seeking the lights that come above, will come out from the darkness and life will be much beyond above.

love is sweet, love is so blue, u make my life complete when i can experienced u. englightement process of a journey that wouldnt end...

Major Changes!! GANBATTE!

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
thinking of me too
Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me and I
wonder if you know I'm there (am I there, am I?)
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside
would you even care?
I just wanna hold you close but so far
all I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day (wait for the day)
to take the courage to say how much I love you
Yes I do

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Corazon
No puedo dejar de pensar en ti
Como te necesito
Mi amor, como te extrano
(translation:
Sweetheart
I can't stop thinking of you
How I need you
My love, how I miss you)

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe
that you came up to me and said I love you
I love you too

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow (till tomorrow) and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room
Dreaming with you endlessly

RED, color of my passion, desire, lust... i really love that songs by selena, thre's a time that i feel down, and thre is my fren dat cud cheer me up, honto arigato frens... feels more relax than a few months back, well... maybe this is what i wished for, m fine, with this kind of feeling cos it makes me move on to another stage, juz worrd if my energy is still low, but i do believe, god still loves me as much as i do....

dont fall in love wif catalyts, which i hope not, m waiting for the right moment n time to c him, love is evrywhre i go, happiness is all over the place that ive been.... tired thinking all those ding dong never ending stories.... fed up, like i dont have anythg else to think. Now devoted back to whre i should be, m feel neutral now...

Now i can update my blog better, beinga fren indeed its not so difficult as long as u r sincere wif whoever u r be wif, y ppl pretending also i dunno, nothing to pretend, me and him, i have to laa... we r in the same dept, i dont want to ruin his things as well, m not that kind of human anyway, i do like him, if not, i wont do it wif him... but its just a feelings, lust and passion. Afterall ngage already, been thre, tru dat. M happy ppl be happy, marriage, gives birth, and evrythng, evry wikend will always like dis till i need to do somethg bout it, really, i need to think it tru, bought salsa skirt yesterday, m so nauti cos teasing as a pleasure... it makes me happy tho ahahah....its a fling, i think, it will get us nowhre and dats it. it wont happen again, now need to focus more on my work and work of course, relationship can comes later...

Be blessed, be thankful.... and of course be happy....

m calling ur soul tru the nite, i wish it is never end, ur lust belongs to me... untill the last breath that u need.

evry inch dat u feel, evry kissd that u give, u alwis remember me, ur desire wont be free.

It's not her fault that she's so irresistible
But all the damage she's caused is infixable
Every twenty seconds you repeat her name
But when it comes to me you don't care
If I'm alive or dead

So objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
But you don't even bother

Objection I'm tired of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

Next to her cheap silicon I look minimal
That's why in front of your eyes I'm invisible
But you gotta know small things also count
You better put your feet on the ground
And see what it's about so

Objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
But you don't even bother

Objection the angles of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way, no no no

I wish there was a chance for you and me
I wish you couldn't find a place to be
Away from here

This is pathetic and sardonic
It's sadistic and psychotic
Tango is not for three
Was never meant to be

But you can try it
Rehearse it
Or train like a horse
But don't you count on me
Don't you count on me boy

Pink is the colour of my love feeling, its obsessionss... according to aerosmith, yada yada yada... still headache afraid dat my blood arise... wish not, 2mrw luckly its holi holi day... but, yea i dunno what to do during wikend, i devoted my life again, not devoted laa but more to focus my energy, well, after my medium reply back, its juz a so so only well, getting better... i know the wish for that kind of fatherly, homie types of guy that i wished for will come someday... dat is y, i dont care, evryday ive met a lot of ppl, yes i know i believe my instinct, i do belive my predictn, cos its all come from the greatest 1, m also afraid if things might be i dunno what to call, really ma... cos i dont want it, not complaining but, funny and for god sake, let me be focus on my work 1st then relationship will come but to bear in mind, no expecttn, i know i know, want to cleanse but he went for a 2 wiks trip, turkey... what a life, nvm, my hubby to be love me endlessly... i want to increase my energy level, m not scarifying what i have, me and him, i dont have that kind of feelings anymore, me and another him... back to neutral juz please not come back and beg, bored la... thinking like a man...

its not happy, its not sad, but neutral... dat is what m feel now, anyway i dont lose anything at all, i dont feels that, its juz a lust, yeah..... nobody shud my history completely, what shud and shudnt, ive learned alot when things happen, i tru the most saddest things in mylife, evrythg... well, i know now m stronger than before.... "my lonelinest aint killin me no more" ...

throw away the fear, trust the god most,

now m feelin much much better, yes i do believe and trust the god most.

nothing cud harm me, nothing cud spare mylife,

as long as m in the family, i believe He will protect mylife.

focus the energy, focus to life

i need to be me, tho its hard to comply...

My love For U is Blind...

M the one who is blind, blind by those sweet talker, by those who wants to take advantage on me, m i deserved this, i dunno.... life... looking for never ending happiness.... yeah take a few mins to complete today's blog, like sheedee said was true, my sis, everybody, and m still blind, what a huge mistake... god, to u i still have faith, to err is still human....

I need more strenght to carry on my life... towards my endless journey... Love and happiness, m far beyond that, m far far to feels that, stupidity of human being, and that is me....

My love for him is empty, as he mention.... oh, after all, after evrything.....

Loving you Has mAde mE feEl tHis wAY!

You've got your mother and your brother
Every other, undercover, telling you what to say
You think I'm stupid
But the truth is, that it's Cupid, baby
Loving you has made me this way

So before you point your finger
Get your hands off of my trigger, oh yeah
You need to know this situations getting old
And now the more you talk, the less I can take

I'm looking for attention,
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away (just walk away, just walk away)

I waited here for you like a kid waiting after school
So tell me, how come you never showed
I gave you everything and never asked for anything
And look at me, I'm all alone
So before you start defending, baby
Stop all your pretending

I know you know I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get this show on the road today, hey

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away (just walk away, just walk away)

I want a love, I want a fire
To feel the burn, my desires
I want a man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me
Die for me
Live and breathe for me
Do you care for me
Cause if you don't then just leave

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away

Well, after a long .... break 2mrw start working back, i love the job, i love working thre, which is more than enuff for me now, if i want to take a leave also i dunno whre shud i go, whre can i go, sad and pathetic. Its not i hate being myself now, but its like m stuck, m not complaining, i need something, which i dunno what is that, m not proud wif what i have cos all those this and dat is from god, gals nothing to be envy, guys its just only a skin deep, u cant evaluate from looks, looks alwiz deceiving, looks true the heart, also, not all sexy gals, is purrrfect in bed, i read those ya! before i know how to handle guy, to flirt and evrything, after thru several stages in mylife, i know how to be evrythg, not only a gf, more than that, its not before the marriage u need to take care, but actually after that, after commit to one another, evryday learn something new...

When the things happen, m feel happy, thankful... crazy or what! after thinking deeper i know y, things happen, thres alwis a gud reasons why things happen... as my quote alwiz says, "The last thing you realize is me", its quite sad, but dats life, feels like crying....

Me and him..... well, looks never ending story, now it makes me feel more stupid and fed-up, me and him, well, i dont called it as a mistakes, i predicted already, whre ever i'll go, yeah its alwis happen like this, true i like him, but what can i do, tell me? its only a fling, i guess, like david, yea yea... only a fling, but those moment still lingering... m starting to make a spell... after yeah like i read those comments, deep inside still feels empty, oh my god onegai, dont cry here... m still like this, how to chose to be happy, m trying!!! dont fall inlove wif catalyst, m trying. ive tried and tried... but i know, that he dont feel anythg towards me, just a lust, most men like that, but what can i do!! oh god! take evrything as an oppourtunity.. whatever, since that nite, i dunno y i like him.... so fucking funny... but i know, things wont happen between us, god knows y, he wouldnt go for a women like me of cos, i know.... i have to wake up from a dream... 'girl next door' appeared suddenly, yup, i think i'll understand what im's meant... well, i know i cud be the 1 for somebody, its not fear of rejection, its a lust baby, love need lust as well, ahahah...

Ying said, m stronger before then, thank u god, though i dont have anybody now, i mean man's shoulder to cry on, im wont care my feelings, after that nite, all the drama's, i c tru my heart... not using eyes.... its time for me to make a move... all the desprate husband, go to hell, u can c only, i cant forget what actually happen that nite... ahahahah..... crazy! no, its a moment, lusty moment, whatever it calls,

love me tender,

love me sweet,

love me endlessly

u make my life complete....

paint my day

paint it red

i show how to be beside me

for all eternity u'll get

call up the sun

see it tru the moon

i remember the nite completely

its started my journey to like u

its not a mistake

its not a dream

we both know its just a fling

but god knows the end of it