Life is Beautiful

So What??!!!

2009-01-14T23:52:00.000-08:00

So what I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't need you
And guess what
I'm havin more fun
And now that were done
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm alright
I'm just fine
And you're a tool so
So what
I am a rock star
I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

You weren't fair
You never were
You want it all but that's not fair
I gave you life
I gave my all
You weren't there, you let me fall

Well, it's been more than a year i didnt update my blog ahahahaha.... what a funny things! Naa.. i feel my feelings more stable now... really... i focus to other things besides love love love...

Work- so far ok, been doing nothing much - ahahah keje senang gaji byk....

no worries
be happy
surrender to god.................

luv ya kiss kiss kiss............

Finally.....

2007-11-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

alrite then, its been 2 months i or we didnt get our salary.. can u imagine that, to survive with the whole of this life for the past 2 month... its not about complaining, but m keep on saying this thing.... i do fed up... and luckly m back to my old office.... great huh.... atleast yes atleast i can get my montly salary without interruption... i want to tell them m going off today, but since salary thingy is not solve i dunno...GOD help me...

i finally found someone.. finally found the one... :), yup... m setting the sun to set already... for the past few months back.. well.... for now... enuff...

Take It Or Leave It

2007-11-14T21:37:00.000-08:00

Well well tiring... thursday... oh really, dats y, m using bold and red. Love this is what m talking about... u've got love but u dont know how to appreciate it... well... at the first place u never can satisfy other in what ever reasons, on what ground...the one that u should concern is you and yourself... o believe me... at the moment m stucked not really stucked but... forgot how the things work and yeah... i shud back to basic ma own terms & regulation...

i am so TIREDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!! it is, m happy with what ever i have now... on whatevr reasons but definately at one point i dont care anymore... i just dont care, i can detach whatever feelings dat i've want, i can be whoever i want, i can let go everythg without hesitation, without compromising and blowing like a wind...

work- one more thing... i cant blame anybody, i cant do much for sure

friends - m tired... he is definately right, m tend to be alone or with the group, which is depends.... i dont want to make it difficult for myself specially.

whatever decision i'll make, the impact is on me... isnt it???!!!

make Me Sway.....

2007-10-16T22:04:00.000-07:00

Nu job, Nu Guy, Nu life.... well, new job, still ok so far.... nu guy same... i dont have many obstacles nowadays, which m blessed with god's purest energy... now i want to focus on numbers... yeah... nothing much to say.. everything... is on my track, m free... free from... whatver i feel so stumble before....

4 o'clock in the moaning :P

2007-10-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

I am nauti as usually, happening as usual... m happy with or without him, cos the energy guided me, what, how, speacially to feel those energy flowing... new job, great, new love, great, everything is great and smooth... m happy... for how long its up to me, cos i have an option , alwis have it....

Here with me.... again....

2007-06-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

I'd like to watch you sleep at night
To hear you breathe by my side
And although sleep leaves me behind
There's nowhere I'd rather be
And now our bed is oh so cold
My hands feel empty
No one to hold
And I can sleep what side I want
It's not the same with you gone

Oh, if you'd come home
I'll let you know that
All you want
Is right here in this room
All you want
And all you need
Is sitting here with you
All you want

It's been three years
One night apart
But in that night you tore my heart
If only you had slept alone
If those seeds had not been sown
Oh you could come home
And you would know that

All you want
Is right here in this room
All you want
And all you need is sitting here with you
All you want

I hear your key turning in the door
I won't be hearing that sound anymore
And you and your sin
Can leave the way you just came in
Send my regards to her
I hope you find that......

This is the way that i've choose.... this is the path that m going thru and i left all the pain, misery.... helpless old me... cos i believe that all the things dat i've been tru it's just the thing that make my self stronger, betterment and more positive person.... its gud to be sad, enjoying being sadness cos this is the part of being better person, how do deal with that emotions.... being so crabby,... whatever....

playing with emotionss.... so a crab! well.... i can see that... the way he told me... well.... m juz waiting for the right time and person... cos now or whatever it is.... sham not meant for me as well as helmy....there's 2 more guys then..... 'voila' ... u know what will comes to the end.... Im gone with the wind long time ago.... who else.... uncle b.... well... he's no longer catch my attention as he is married already.... i dont see anybody at the moment... but well... being nice to evrybody.... it is too hard... is it too difficult... m happy to be myself like dis... compare... i dont have to mention here because... i've alwiz remember that... things happen for a reasonssss and to me all are for betterment.... i dont know wether it is comply to nyone.... thank you god for all the creation that u have made... that i've been thru... i dont know y.... once m talking bout you.... its all gone.... honto....arigato.....

Its all Ending (?), I better stop pretending....(?)

2007-06-11T22:49:00.000-07:00

Love is , Love is... old school songs... back into 80's

Whatever it takes
I will be there
By your side Baby anywhere
When you're lost and alone
I'll bring you home
I will come thru for you
Whatever it takes
Whatever you need
Whatever comes down between you and me
When the road gets rough
You've gotta trust
I will come thru for you
Whatever it takes

back to 80's, now feelin much much better... thank u god, m seeing myself as a - m i like dis?? Na... m stronger in all kind of ways, it is juz tiny winy matters... well after all think m deserve better and maybe he's not sincere enuff for me.... tho it is great love to make but well, we have close the deal... m happy, no regret... with im its all over, betwin us... no hanky panky stuff bcos i want to ended it now. no later.... m happy to live like dis, cos i know its worth to enjoy my current life like dis, key word is happiness, love, healthy & wealthy. Feeling much better, tho its all written in my face before but if he is not meant for me well not meant for me.... basic rules and i wont hurt, but m not going back to my history, with im, or b... end up the same old things..... life, my life is beautiful..... really enjoy what life is,... honto arigato!!!

Its Such A Beautiful...................... LIFE

2007-05-28T21:43:00.000-07:00

Well, life goes smoothly as i wish to....according to my wish list.... well. it's happen not dat fast result but m grateful, really.... life seems better, my life around me...... i wish... if the things come true... m one of the happiest human beings in the world, my world whatever it takes.... say good bye already to b and of cos im ... not slowly or recently... but well... unexpectedly... this is for my new guy... m not left im or b for him, but... no point of being with them eventually... with all the status that they are into... m not a thing that u can pass on, m just me which one of the greatest god's creation. i alwis keep my opt open.... if the best things come... of cos nybody will go for it... luckily he not only him, but most of my fwen doesnt has the blog, my blog add. no one knows really knows bout it. being in love... (yeah yeah)... but dont fall in love with catalyst, maybe he is my catalyst, maybe not, god know, only god knows... m tired being like this, since got my transportation, m being more indipendent... which is m grateful for it..... i like him a lot, and now, i dont know how to face it, when u r drunk , not u, me, when m drunk, i can talk whatever i want... with guts ehehe... now i become ashamed a bit with what m doing... last lite, tell him everything almost... enuff... i wont do dat nymore, hopefully, oh really, na... m following the flow, but i still have my decision, i dont want to be 'in dat' position before, a lots of dont want, great... now change it!!

I want to be in love, with some body, i want to be wealthy, healthy, part of it, thank u and thank u. I do believe what the potential inside me with the all god's energy... thank u god, for whatever reasons are, thank u sifu, for all the things happening to me. those reminder which a little bit stubborn, but well... my life is soo beautiful... m choose to be happy, m choose to be in love with anything... but i definately can choose 1 love, to god, my self...... amen.....

Tell me, what you thinking about
When you got me waiting patiently
And usually, I don't have to wait for nobody
But there's something about you
That really got me feeling weak
And I'm trying to find the words to speak

Boy, I got my eyes on you
Tell me what you wanna do
I can picture you in my room
Until the morning
I don't even know your name
Boy, I need to know your name
I'm hoping that you feel the same
Tell me if you want it

Its been so so so long.............

2007-05-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

Its been like ages I didnt update my blog, ware ware wa... eheheh... my japanese fren is here, work, tremendously great, evrything seems sooo smooth, nice, great and beautiful... thank you thank you and thank you... ( a lot when to mention bout it)... relationship, i know a lot of my fren wants to know this part, but well, nothing's new actually, still single ( but sometimes admit got some1 special, i know somebody out thre), but still happy though with my current life. I have to be precise whatever I want, be indipendent enuff at the moment, but will go on more of it....

will keep update more soon.... guys... its ez to break out but not ez to break in..... again..... between me and b its long long time ago... done, im its only physically relationship, and my heart still the same.....

Boy you'll never find another love
As good as this
So you better represent
Cuz my love is the Shhh
(The bomb baby, bomb baby)

Girl you'll never find another love
As good as this
So you better represent
Cuz my love is the Shhh
(The bomb baby, bomb baby)

You keep tellin' me on the telephone
How you got it going on
And how you'll keep me satisfied
Oooh, yeah
But actions speak louder than words
I must see what I've heard
Is it true or do you lie

Cuz I need somebody giving nuthin'
But good loving all thru the night, oh yeah
Someone to break me off a little somethin'
When I need to be satisfied
And I got one thing in mind

All these things I say to you
I swear that they are true
I'm all you'll ever need (oh yeah)
Good love is so hard to find
And I won't waste your time
Satisfaction is guarenteed
I'll be the lover that you need to break you off
In the middle of the night
I'll take a little trip downtown
I'll be the freak you need in your life
And I know

Don't stop, get it, get it
Don't stop, get it, get it
Don't stop, get it, get it
Don't stop, get it, get it

Let me work that body, baby
Let me work that body, baby
Let me work that body, baby
Let me work that body, baby

Boy you'll never
You'll see
Can't nobody love you like me

Girl you'll never
Like you baby
Baby, baby, ah

Boy you'll never
Nobody loves me better
(Yes I can, oh)
Than your love

Girl you'll never find another
Oh baby, umm as good, oh as good as mine
Represent

berDUA lebih Baik....

2007-01-30T20:11:00.000-08:00

Well, life seems great and greater.... of cos, it wouldnt be soo much fun today...happiness... bout bat, i dont know the end of the story yet, but whatever it is... i have to be whatever i feel to be... means, no xpectation, enjoy the moment with him... and grateful for whatever the reasons are... it has somthg to do with god of course..... i care nothing now, except me, myself n i, my happiness, love, luck, cherish life, luxury life, perfect health, perfect figure, weatlh speacially god... he knows that daiesuke... but ... i cant xpect nythg from him, for the 1st time... and till now... ive already got what i want from him... nobody knows what is it but well, u can guess, u can predict but m unpredictable...

He is soo much me.. now.. but yeah.... dont fall in love with catalyst i shall remember that... that nite is gv me an impact towards him as well as last nite... but here i am... not playing with memories just visualize, ask, believe and have faith on it...... thank you, thank you and thank you....

reMember to reMember...

2007-01-15T16:12:00.000-08:00

Firstly.... a lot or major things that Ive changed... Vast changes... not only bcos of new yr resolution or whatever you have called it, but to me.... this is what i truly absoloutely utterly want in this whole life and journey... not start to feel it again, smilling without end, happiness never stop.... this is what i feel rite now..... love is beyond the beauty of all human feelings.... happiness is a joy which human doesnt know how to manage the happy tot.... but not me... M the one making this choice whatever choice that ive made before... and its all about gratefullness and thankful...

Feel never feel like this before in my whole life... thank you, thank you, thank you.....................

Nu Yar, Nu Me....

2006-12-25T23:22:00.000-08:00

Well, basically not really new me, not a new resulotion but new to solution .. yes... i move on to another stage as i want to.. but im n bat of cos... forget all those i-dont-want-list-of-man... ive already close the curtain for 2006 and yet this nu yar brings me a gud not really my word but great happiness, health wealth, love, luck and of course success.. nothing is compare to u god of cos, to be one of the servant... not that tough actually but not many ppl realize it anyway....

mood- very sarcastic, full of ego, purrfectionist and bold

all the wish list dat i ve made this month makes me anxious hurmm... a bit, no expectation please, and i shall live happily ever.... full stop. yup.... i know my journey wont stop here but nothing is forever... just god!!

Love... i do have lots of it and nybody wants it juz let me know.... cos i wont ezily to gv to nybody.... anymore.. full stop. m back to my basic life which is... its better for me not to tell..... himitzhi ... secret.. m ez to gv myself to nybody dat i like... but not nymore.. tho i know there is nothing to lose and bcos of that i dont want more n more things happen... see a spilt second i can turn my self into whatever i want... like m in bed.... ehehe.....

i know its time for me to make a stop... to end whatever i feels need to end from the begining.......

it is begin today.....

2006-12-19T20:47:00.000-08:00

Yes I remember boy
'cause after we kissed
I could only think about your lips
Yes, I remember boy
the moment I knew
you were the one I could
spend my life with
Even before all the fame
and people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

Well....welll my dearie dear... i dunno y, once i say it, it happen... gloomy ahaha.... sweet surrender... yes it is... he is like dat... i cant resist him at the moment... its not dangerous, cos... i feel it before... yes it is... its a beautiful journey for both of us... life seems better and much more better everyday.... i want to drink...... uwaaa...... i want to.. forget bout all my sadness not really sadness, its a dissapointment more on that... life here i come, here the sadness go... i will get marry by next yr.. soon... love is evrywhre and happiness is around me, whatver comes in betwin it will regret....

Promiscous .... me?!!!

2006-12-11T04:30:00.000-08:00

So far, life is great... never been better... my chest painful a bit... dunno y... suddenlly i make my decision to stop with bat, its coming clearly to me.. the feelings... just end like dat, its a blessed thing... its not ez for me... but now, everythg is soo easy..... m so furios at the moment... really.. well hope my new yr brings a lot of happiness, love and luck.... there is not use for me to said all grandmother stories... cos its alwis the same.... m live in present not the past... not ever yesterday.... forget the past, move to future... wish everythg will be vast, long live happilly ever after.....

Too little Too late...

2006-12-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

I wanted you right here with me but
I have no choice you've gotta leave
Because my heart is breakin'
With every word I'm sayin'
I gave up everything I had
On something that just wouldn't last
But I refuse to cry
No tears will fall from these
Eyeee-eeee-eeees
Ooooh, ooooh
Get out

it's quite sometimes i didnt update my blog... oh my, time is very precious at the moment... somthing wrong with this thing?? .. well, congratz to my sis, well finally she got married bout 2 wiks ago... big occasion... me weding, m fine... but u know.. ppl keep sking when is my time.... by next yr perhaps the songs if for im,... definately..... times up, i want to get marry by next year... but firstly need to get rid of im of course... how... time will know, god will know of course... an... never mention bout his name really in my blog, usually i just mention, him... and using him also to evrybody... my boo ehehe... its juz a fling dear, u r not really my type... but its juz dat m comfortable with u, and everythg dats all.... not dat i want to have a serious relationship cos... definately i'll find somebody older than me, wiser than me for sure, taller, everythg is more than me... of cos...

I'm here right now, can't wait no more no
You were the one who stole my heart
Can't you see the wait is over
I need you to come closer
Please believe is getting stormy
You really got me hot

dat 1 is for him ahaha.... bat.. m head over heels of him but really its over... have to put an end to it... hello... m not that crazy to go on into dis relationship here... ok.. ehehe... he's evrythg after im... im cant get rid of that, with me... dats it, he can find others but not as great as me.. not bluffing but i know i have the result.. not proud proud but i have a heart here... not only for that... i dunno m crazy or what... but m really stuck on him dis time... well... i need focus that into somethg else divert the energy to much better places... such as my financial thingy.. isnt it? ehehehe

work- well.. been super bz of cos, but m fine atleast i have things to do, this is what i want what....

financial - uwaa.... very tight and all the best for future ahead.. make a wish dat nothing will fancy my eyes... the bes thing dat i can do at the moment

love - is all around me, nothing to be worried, nothing to be harm.. what...

happiness - m happy, neutrally happy... n comfortable with it

love, hapinesss & luck with alwis b around me... this joy & feelings actually make me stronger in another way.... thank u god, my sifu and those who teach me how to grow directly & indirectly

come to me....

2006-11-18T05:20:00.000-08:00

as what he told me.... let it be... and yes he'll come to me... i dont think that he did with her... well... i dunno but m satisfied that i really treat him great evrytime he's around and he okay when took his pix now in my phone... eheheh.... i dont want to ask y, i dont want to argue with this issue cos well, i know that he's into me tho not evrything, bout sex? i dunno but he really concern what's happening in me... things happen for a reason....

as long i know how to manage my heart i think its all rite... isnt god?!! he's evrywhre to me now.. looks he will take me to dinner somewhre next week... but its all depend on his schedule.. m fine... now feels settle down a bit...

hope i can get over and sort my things out asap... cos i dont want to spend my time on that soo much, a lot of things will come out soon... a good n great one of course.. i dont want to good things but great things-er... lex luthor!! well i want to do great things as well in my life... in this journey so that my next will be much better ;)....

my lips still sore... ehehe... well.. its not complaining but enjoying... enjoy evrything n desire nothing... no xpectation from nybody... even god.. if m doing it sincerely i know... if i need something return m not sincere... if i want to do i'll do... it happily...

thank u god, its a blessed cos like what he sd to me.. we'll never know what will happen afterwards... nything cub be happening... the best result... dont be contradict... be blessed as usuall....

its a bout happiness, my hapiness, even im didnt treat me like he did... hurm.... we'll see rite god!

Its rainy & cold SUNDAY...........

2006-11-12T02:59:00.000-08:00

I'm here when will you make your move?
I see you, I am me, I want cha, why don't cha
Come to me, I can be, what you need, uh baby
I'm standin, been waitin, I'm yearnin, I'm burnin
Come to know me, come and get to know me
Come to show me, that you wanna know me

You know who it is, I'm back in the building
Security strapped, still stackin a million
It's doubt with the stallion, somethin' Italian
Or maybe Puerto Rican, you can catch me in Paris

I'm in it to win it but willin to carry
The game, if you think I'm not look at the carats
I buck clean about in a Phantom
The people go screamin like an opera anthem
I did it before, do it again
I got to blow, gotta to spin
Lies before, cool as the wind
Got hits go back like Juicy Jin, yeah

Shine the best and diamond necklace
My extravagant taste, the style perplexes
They know I'm the ish, they wanna get next
That's why she had to fit cause she wanted to get next

Anywhere I appear, they all stop and stare
Admire your body language speakin loud and clear like
(I want you to come be with me)

She be waitin anticipatin for oh so long
Fantasising wild thoughts of me comin on like
(I'm here when will you make your move)

She diggin my style, my swag, my suede, my swirve
My way with words, the Boys absurd for sure
You can't fall til my aura called
I make miracles like I walk on water

What you want mama order, it's on my tab
I'm so bad with the cash, I dropped the whole bag
Where you at girl

I'm here in love, can't wait no more no
You were the one who stole my heart
Can't you see the way to sober(?)
I need you to come closer
Please believe is getting stormy
You really got me hot

I'm here when will you make your move?
I see you, I am me, I want cha, why don't cha
Come to me, I can be, what you need, uh baby
I'm standin, been waitin, I'm yearnin, I'm burnin
Come to know me, come and get to know me
Come to show me, that you wanna know me

Do it do it do it do it
Do it do it do it do it
Why don't cha come to me
I can be, what you need uh baby
I'm here, you're here, let's make it happen
Do it do it do it do it
Do it do it do it do it
Relax your mind, let's the concepts be free
And I roll with the sounds of BPE
Do it, do it
You know what this is
It's Bad Boy bitch
Press Play!

cold sunday.... and its not new, sad, na.... , lonely? not really, m njoying evrything now... and well basically, m happy.... with everythg dat i have... my pride, my life, GOD specially...

the songs is meant for him, but well, its only a season to come and go, like what he told me... juz let it be... i m, evrythg is heaven when wif him, well, its not beneath it all, i dont know the reality and i dont want to know now, i wont lie here, all my feelings is all in here... i never put ny hope to nybody dat i've wanted nymore... they will come back if they are sincere to have and want me.. afterall i have what they dont have, the purest energy of GOD.. now m sad, its not my problem and its not about me... so pls.. i really dont want to talk to nybody 2nite...

Bind my heart bind my soul, binding method to make my heart wont be i dont-know-where, its neutral, it comes in various, i hope that my journey wont be fall, only god will know whats the end... i do like u, but this is the stop, to make my life be back on the track, dont care bout others, dont care what will happen, i know what to do, i know what i want for now....

im, well... things arent be the same nymore, dont think dat m the person dat u knew, not nymore... m onw my onw now... u wont be able to win my heart again, a bit of sad, cos i have to let u go, i cant keep u ny longer.... its not about u, its about ur heart, i dont want to get involve with it nymore... turn to angry mode suddenlly, dunno y, but m fine i do like feelings.. xcept sad of cos, but well.... i need to go tru to cleanse all of the feeling, magnify it.

Love is evrywhre, happiness is alwis within me... so y shud i be worried of small matters is life, isnt it... .. come what may.... (inusyaha)

a day to remember a nite that is wonderful...

2006-11-04T05:06:00.000-08:00

we cant be together tho it is soo unforgetable....

aku tak mudah untuk mencintai
aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta
aku tak mudah mengatakan
aku jatuh cinta

its not wrong but its not ok... it was ages i didnt update my blog... time is very2 precious recently, raya seems great, evrything is great... went smoothly... 2nd day went to spore but didnt buy nythg... soon on dec hurm....

after big event all seems smooth... i wish.. but last nite, yes last nie.... i cant stand he is the person like that, i need to express here cos, he is evry woman wants not women even man wants... uwaaa..... m binding my heart and soul this time.. oh yes i really do... he appreaciate women and he is not mine! arghhh... well, whatver it is, i need to stop this floating feelings... really.. god i dont want to trap like this, he is evrywhre in me now uwaaa.... i have to flush away dis feelin......

crap, well this affair wont be that long... cos m afraid to fall in love again, my love is only for god... and it is crap i cant remember the word that m alwiz said...
m sad deep inside me, cos... m not worried but sad, y i need to go tru dis journey... did ive choose this one, cud be.... but u can alwis solve it rite... another man... and he is married... he cant resist me of cos, nobody can resist me...

shocked with the news, but i dont really feel anythg, yeah cos my heart is not there nymore, my heart is here.... trust yea, trust.... like she sd, well.... a lot of xample in front of my eyes.... even my latest affair... m afraid go further nymore... maybe cos m not find the comparetible yet... yup... i think so....

tall with pleasant look... shit, m in deep shit if i go on with him, but cant resist EACH OTHER!!!!! nobody appreaciate me like he did, ok! at least him, but no, nobody does... and this is what i HATE most, cant make him mine but he did it to me.... GOD, he is really kurosaki ichigo of me.... now i found my ichigo but full stop. i cant continue it cos no other word can describe ....

my next move, just play along the movie... i know what to do if i want him but well i didnt.... for a men like that, i just cant.....

I'm not missing you
Been through just about everything that I could go through
When it comes to relationships
Don't know what I was missing or why I ain't listen
When I told myself that was it
Now here I go, hurt again
Cause of my curiousity
Now that it's over
What else could it be _____

didnt want to go back as illl remember evrythg dat happen.... not looking for love.. ive got all my pleasure noe, but i know love will open for me later....

it's ALL about the endless journey

2006-10-08T05:37:00.000-07:00

i cant said that i've no words to put up my feelings.. now can concentrate more on this... as evrybody(like evrybody's are) aware of what had happen.... i shud take dis thing positively.. love life?? no, m living full of love now but my environment is not soo gud, the energy still corrupted with all those you-know-who... shud m looking for a new job next yr? shud i stay in this job for i dont know how long can i bear with it...

m not being supportive?... yeah atleast u can performd a bit dat nite, but well m feeling abit frusteratd cos.. its not as what as i seem.. sorry to say that u r not up to my standard... still... not being provocative or being sd dat m heavenly good here.. but atleast... its not worth to mention bout it at all...

A lot of things i need to expressd here.. really, bout dis, dat, here, there... crying not really... there's no room for me to give it up, this is the challenge that i need to go thru... it wouldnt be any difficulties as i m with god's energy... that is y, never less m not thankful to him... but i need dis strengh to boost up more.. i dont give ny heavenly care what will all those kiddies sd to me.. y shud i be worried, cos u r nothing to me at all... i know dat i only have a happy hour fwens till now, which i feel they only know how to take advantage on me, but well ... god is alwis thre for me.. as i dont feel burden ill do it, if not... i dont care...

hurmm... when at times i need help, not evrybody will be there... nvm cos god is alwis there for me... just dont mess with me too much... u'll know what will happen to u next, as long as i have this patient.. m just human afterall... we r just human which this is a human side that evry body has it.. remember, juz dont mess with me too much, which i never regreted what had happen bitween me and that 'fwen', never.. its not a threathen, well i have never being so heavenly angry yet, but when u r too much messing with me i dont have ny 2nd tot, yes its not my problem but y u interfere with my heaven life, i have never did nythg to u at all....

do u think i care bout my environment.... sometimes yes, but mostly know... i have my own goals to archive this higher level in my life.. which i can see not many ppl understand it y or what is it..... i love my life, i love god and most of all being here and remember him, do i need to show off evrythg, m juz being my self and i dont want nybody know what m thinking cos well actually the didnt know....

to all of u who read my blog, i dont xpect u to understand me, i dont xpect you to love me, to like me and etc etc i dont have ny xpectation from all of you... juz pls pls dont interfere with my life, my work and pls... dont let me.. make ur life suffer, cos u think i like it, no of course... what i want is more and beyond that all of you can imagine... which dat is my ultimate goal.

No Me AmeS....

2006-09-28T05:36:00.000-07:00

Setelah kupahami
Ku bukan yang terbaik
Yang ada di hatimu
Tak dapat kusangsikan
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang mengerti kamu
Bukanlah diriku

Kini maafkanlah aku
Bila ku menjadi bisu
Kepada dirimu
Bukan santunku terbungkam
Hanya hatiku berbatas
Tuk mengerti kamu
Maafkanlah aku

Walau kumasih mencintaimu
Kuharus meninggalkanmu
Kuharus melupakanmu
Meski hatiku menyayangimu
Nurani membutuhkanmu
Kuharus merelakanmu

Dan hanyalah dirimu
Yang mampu memahamiku
Yang dapat mengerti aku
Ternyata dirinyalah
Yang sanggup menyanjungmu
Yang lama menyentuhmu
Bukanlah diriku

I dont know... y m feeling down like dis, maybe cos of not feeling well, some of tots that i've carried away... na... well, its just an xcuse not feeling dat well , i knew it... sad season its over for me... now, more and more application coming in, cos i do believe no xpectation and no limit... love is evrywhere.. life is here with me...

My Heart...........

2006-09-24T03:25:00.000-07:00

My Heart
Disini kau dan aku
terbiasa bersama
menjalani kasih sayang
bahagia kudenganmu

pernahkah kau menguntai
hari paling indah
ku ukir nama kita berdua
disini surga kita

bila kita mencintai yg lain
mungkin kah hati ini akan tegar
sebisa mungkin tak akan pernah
sayang ku akan hilang

if u love somebody
could we be this strong
i will fight to win
our love will conquer all
wouldn’t risk my love
even just one night
our love will stay in my heart
my heart

1st day of Ramadhan, well... evrything will be smooth sailing... each day i feel a bit hatred.. to a few of people.... i dunno y of course, what ever it is just enjoy the feelings what ever feelings that i've been tru.. me as usually, create the happiness... love and luck... and dat is what i really wanna to feel and do... neutrally comes the feelings...

Sometimes m tired with those stories... i know thre is nothing to shout, to impress except HIM of course, but maybe my surroundings, env and all... i devoted my life to god now.. i have nothing to expect nymore in life... things happen as what i wished for... so m just being me, thankful and counting my blessing each second... life wont be miserable nymore... im.. nothing m happy with my current condition.. i dont care ppl saying... there is alot of thing u wont understand in this life... and who r all of u to judge another person... am i say somethg wrong here... then correct me...

My life wont be the same nymore.. i taste the bitterness of life, i dont want dat, i taste the misery of sadness which i wish i wont have to face it anymore... just let me do whatever i wished for... i dont xpect my husband to be kneeling at me.. i know what i want dat is more than enuff cos sometimes.. no ussualy ppl dont know what they want and sometimes they cant define what is really dat they want... to all of you out there... life is pretty exciting if u know how to diversify it, afterall my life is beautiful....

foolish GAME

2006-09-03T05:21:00.000-07:00

life, today... i dont know what kind of mood dat i have.. well m juz njying it, after her mum said dat thing, he sd dat thing, i dont have ny feelings nymore... very neutral, i like to have dis feeling tho, nothing much to describe here... sad but not dat sad, dissapointed but not really... the most important thing is i have to be happy... hidup sihat nikmat

one more to go~~

2006-08-27T03:31:00.002-07:00

Well well 1 more to go, which mean is me, 2 tiring days or more than that, which m not complaining juz to make a statement here.. shop for my sis wedding, on nov. 3rd wed in my family which i will make it 4 next yr and i dont have ny single idea who is the person, of course not im, now i dont care juz do whatever i feel wish for, as what he sd we r not getting back together so i have to act, feel n talk like whatever my motive is, isnt it? correct me if m wrong here, which i dont think so... and i never regret for what had happen between us last yr... even i thanked god so many time on this issue...

Never feels obligated or frusterated cos he is not comparetible in generally i mean, i dont have to mention all those yada yada thingy.. m on my track now, m happier than b4 and alwiz count my blessing...

toast to my sister " be happy and happy u'll be, amen". As for me... i know i am happy nuetrally happy, tho m still on going process m njoy this thing my journey i mean, but i still needs a clear mind to make choices evryday, rite choices, rite moves and great deal bout dat...

all those i-dont-want-u list, u shud be blessed as well, u cant force other ppl to like you and its better ito be in sincere relationship isnt it, lies will get u to nowhre.... oh yes bout him~ my boo, now my the feelings gone, no feelings at all, cos, well like what u've sd, its juz a mistake, yup its a mistake for me as well... reason y, to make it clear, i dont like boys, but at least an experience for me which boys will alwis be boys and they will turn men by the age of u-also-dont-know-when.

i dont like to turn sad into anger, which it will corrupt my energy of course, and i dont want it to be waste for nothing... nothing can touch me, nothing can harm me, as long that god alwiz be wif me and m in the family!!! the 3rd times alwis the lucky one.

to my fwen's fwen, well, tho u have the desire on me, or u have somethg on me... well u want me, its all depend on me, not u, if u still can trigger but no point if i dont want it to happen, its not as ez as what u think, its not ez as it looks tho.... keep it low, keep it wise, u know i aint show, tho its a purffect time!!!

back to work 2mrw, which i dont know y, married ppl hunt me all in this a few days back, not really, since m starting my work thre, well well, sorry to say this, no interest in married man, experience, let me think who will rest 1st.. ;)

now feeling better after wrote this... i feel m on the track back, feel nothing to lose in term on my relationship with im, he needs me i know, i know like i dont need him, oh yes i dont actually, as i told myself b4, love is alwis sweeet but the grundge is much much better... u make me suffer i make u never forget me... and i will.......

one more to go~~

2006-08-27T03:31:00.000-07:00

down to drainage....

2006-08-23T04:05:00.000-07:00

as grey as my heart, as cold as today.. nothing seems change, nothing seems improve... what will i do get back, nothing... yup when its all been expected, dats not the correct way in life, expectation, well, i dont expect nything now on, enjoy evrything and desire nothing... when m like dis, no one comes around, well i used to dat tho...m not surprised!!

m soo soo sad, with evrythg around me... frens, not blame them but its hard to xpress how and why, i dont know how to let this feelings out, sometimes... u just cant bear... it... alone... sometimes u cant understand those feelings y.. god i just wish that this feeling will stop immediately, i wish i will much more happier...

dis life....

2006-08-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

life is alwis beautiful, days are smoother as alwis, but m totally lost in nowhre... well, its pretty amazing, that i still choose this, still not back to the square one but still in bitween dat, i can be determined, i know i've did it b4 but now, deep inside me m juz a human which m blessed and i know i shudnt focus on this relationship thingy at the moment... view one of the pix in fwenster, m not into based on looks type but atleast not that like ... u know who... m stressd wif work today, and need a break... i wish!!!

even tho i hate dis kind of feelings but i have to admit dat i have to enjoy evrything and desire nothing.... :((, feel down!!! God need Help!!!!

wHooaaaaaa!!

2006-08-20T06:10:00.000-07:00

Drop it like its hot, hurm... well, m hot enuff to make u hot and sweaty, of course, well nothing to brag here, nothing to be proud here... juz being me... for 2 days non stop, tiring but well m happy, the plan works as m expected, juz i surrender evrythg to god, told him dat if u think dat we r fwens i need to stop seeing you, but y he didnt want, its not about y, but its more, self oh my god, m freaking out, who the hell this person interrupt my mood on YM!! OH GOD!!!!

2nd Chap... Heppy BuffDay to Sheedeee wish u all the happiness and Success all the way ur Journey... ok!! give u my latest pix in bikini, nak???? ahahahaha tipu jekk, m just joking, hello i already sms u dat i want to online!!!!

Life, LOVe, LUck, and Happiness will alwis linger, whre ever i go and what ever i did... cos that is what i want in life, u cant buy the thing... have to work 2mrw. Now headache, slept at 4 last nite, a bit hungry ahahaah... whatever....

afterall m juz a human...... part of his past, and i wont wait for you anymore, this is my life now, dat its too hard to say gudbye rite?!!!

Loosen Up my BUTTON.....

2006-08-17T07:00:00.000-07:00

Hurm..., gravy as zarin sd ahahaah.... past my convo, past my days as a student, well... nothings much lately happen... not really..... life seems getting better and much much more better m happy, neutrally happy and feels more raunchier ahahahah.. oh my what m trying to expressed here!!

m happy tho with evrything, blessed with everything, of cos evryday m counting my blessings... thank you god... really.... i know what i want, which is more important now, cos, u have to decide and create the path that u wanted to choose, i dont give any damn fuck to the person who will be in betwin ahahah... no laa just be more dramatic here.. eheh... he said m a bit physco, who the heaven dat i care.....

tired will go to sleep early... for heaven and earth i shall perish, for the sake of god i will be elightment... to my cutey boo... u r sweet enuff to be my pet bro.. yup, u r still a kid in my eyes... my sweet pet bro in cairo, ehehe... ngeri ye ahahha.... well, "jgn nak letak kat photo bucket"!!... love never dies.. happiness never end.. i wish i can regained my energy back again......

U make me strong, u make me feel complete... thanks for being the all the time, i will never going to look back again... thank you god... really thank u....

Heppy Buffday to ME!! eheheh

2006-07-20T05:28:00.000-07:00

I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied, oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

My love, ohh oh

I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home? oh no, ohh

Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine

I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you

Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical, oh no, no no

well, well after a few days back celebrating my buffday now getting slower, tired! ahahah

today 7/8 not quite but a long way to go ahahahaha..... to complete this blog. Pheww... things goin hectic but well thank god i manage everything recently, no hanky panky stuff anymore, well... him its not a mjor things, the feelings of liking him is still thre, but whatever... i dont concentrate on that, my work is my priority....

as usually talk about man, him, m slowly move my butt, like mr big in s&c, i have my own life now, and m like it, its blessed m not back to square 1, sad.. of course, but like ive said its a choice for my own sake....

afaz... well, let gone be by gone... we're not meant to be together dats for sure, not another heartbreak....

err... ahaha dat guy, even want to write his name i also dun want, for heaven sake, MYOB puhleeezzz.... luckly m making my move, we r sooooooooo not equal to be together not in my other life of course....

aint no other man... at the moment, cos... dis is what i want... after tormented event i've called, a'a no thank u, m happy with what i have rite now, just make use whatever i have....

thanks for those gvg me gift for my buffday... i appreaciated it soo much, pretty sad a few days back, but njoyd feeling sad nyway... dat moment... as for now, m happy and well be blessed with it... life is about experience... so.. learn from it....

life... m ok, yup ok 80% ehehe... need to focus more, ganbatte to me...... not happy happy but neutreally happy... get things done slowly... need to see him... tight cash but no worries... life is alwiz beautiful to me and i want to make mylife meaningful, happy and fill with sooo much love and happiness... amen.....

Yada Yada Yada.......

2006-07-06T04:07:00.000-07:00

Well well after a long long time i didnt have much time for updating my blog, miss my dearest blog. almost a week not feelin very well, lost appetite in 'that' maybe the hormones up side down eheheh.... 2rmw got a blind have to date... for the sake of my parent, well juz proceed... i dunno my sometimes i do feel like i like him, ignore him, tired of him, means all those feeling jumble up at times ... well what to do... but i know what i want dats for sure.. and i dont want him ;)

the other of him.... hurmm.... i have to make it stop ive tried, well.. i dont know... my fren staying wif me.. no comments.. m nuetral tots make a lot of assumption adn i dont want to corrupt my own mind.. m juz following my dearest heart.

the other of him, sigh... m not ur gf, or what , get a life... we cant be together hello, wake up!!!

shedee mana ntah die.... lost in translucent of time (wrong spelling) dont care... hurm... i dont know maybe cos my hormones is not stable ive become more emotional... i hate dat but have to enjoy evrythgs...

life or something like dat, need to be cleanse my energy to be more powerful of cos...

hide and seek

2006-06-23T02:25:00.000-07:00

Eeheh... put my photo at my blog, its quite sometimes i didnt update it. So far so gud, thing moves rapidly, my period of some journey ended quite fast, m tired to waste my energy, to focus on men, well, its all predicted, their moves, tots and all, m tired and i dont want to get involve with anything nymore... its not sad, cos i want to set my track back to better path, m a teaser, m gud in enuff to **** around if i want to, when it comes so ezly, makes me bored and naaahh.... it is bored, he still cute as b4, ahaha.... u know who

m aware of my environment, my sorroundings, at this point, i dont want to do nything, juz set my track back, men can come and go, if they want to fuck around go ahead, but not wif me, thank to god who took me back from my old stage and blessed where i belongs now. i wont look back not anymore, for what purpose, on what ground, angerness, sadness its all passed, now, at this point i just want to be me, me me me its all about me of course. i need to define evrythg. God, thank you for loving me, and guide me untill dis stage, fwens i o u a lot of things.... bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from any harm dat will cause.... make me wise, make me peace, a bit down today, well dats part of the journey today, m fine wif nything, take it positively....

More and More.... less is leftOut

2006-06-11T03:59:00.000-07:00

Gloomy as today, my heart i mean but well, i dont want to choose that feelings, i dont want to call it as a mistakes, but i forgot a few my guideline, my life rules and regulations, dat is y i choose this colour, as grey as my heart, i dont know y i choose this way now, feels want to cry, but naah.. its juz a small matters, after all i know what i want and i have to be prepared, no guilt and no nothing, juz neutral, feel, be and act neutral...

Its not a wrong moves, but stupidito(zarin's word) ahaha... anyway i've njoyed evry moment dat is y i have to stop its not of beeing wrong, stupid or guilt but, i dont want dat, enuff for now, as simple as dat, what is the past remains as it is, juz enjoy the present and making a gud and rite desicion for ur life, if i have to choose this, well i have to bear the consiquences and be responsible for what i've done, yeah advicing a fren bout love, but look at me... i know how to feel the love, feel the happiness if i choose to, if not, m being fucked up for the rest of mylife, what for, juz bear in mind, its not the other person makes u complete but share completeness wif other person, very inspiring really, life is not to discover but seek who u are and what you want to be, seek for the truth and the truth will set u free.. not damned lucky but blessing lucky....

Yes i am, blessing lucky, my weekend is very thoughful and meaningful, still i count it as a luxury moments, u cant buy experienced of course... this is what ive chose so bear wif it, god its not interfere in making decision i mean choices, well, dont blame him u couse ur own faulty, waiting for my coach to call me up..

Still feeling sad, not that sad sad but i dont know, its not hurt either but i dont know, maybe more to dissapointed a bit in terms of my stupid choices, which i have to bbe very2 careful next time in short future.. which i dont want to talk bout future of course, some ppl wont or they dont want to understand, am i dat delicate as sheede said, m am dat bimbo dat eim sd, m i dat cute as awal sd, i dont know, what i know is whatever it is, love urself, cherishd urself and dont be contradict, its not gud for ur subconcious mind

What is need to be done, i will, thre wont be any next time from now on, be it, face it, whether whoever or whatevr call me later, i dont care and i dont want to know, be self centered, and ther real meaning of self-centerd not that kind of selfish yeah of course, m sickly sick wif myself now, part of it, its all bout me like eim said, well the heaven i care now, care nothing more, care nothing less, for heaven that i've longed for, its god that m wanting more, after 1 feeling and yet another feelings, dats me! being a cancerian, nobody allowed to understand me, my moves of course u cant predict, u can only see the top part only, for whoever is ... well enjoy evrythg and desire nothing.... well...

Its end quite well wif him, afterall this is what i choose to be, a lot of philosophy, me? really, experienced tot me to be betterment in present, bout him, wikenders our wikend was great tho m dissapointed quite if not y i do feel gloomy, anyway, to be more specific, i dont blame him, totaly, after all it takes two to tango... Juz enjoyg my present, let go all my past, let go all the sadness, this is not what i want to have, being fucked up all off sudden, being happy, being sincere, god please guide me, to be more being happy and bless in the future.

You need to stop playin’ ‘round
with all them clowns and the wangstas
Good girls gotta get down with the gangstas
Go ahead girl put some back and some neck up on it
While I stand up in the background and check up on it

Ooo boy you looking like you like what you see
Won’t you come over and check up on it
(I’ma let you work up on it)
Ladies let him check up on it
(Watch it while he check up on it)
Dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it
Check on me tonight

If you got it, flaunt it
Boy I know you want it (Ooo)
While I turn around (you)
Watch me check up on it
Ooo, you watchin’ me shake it
I see it in your face
You can’t take it, it’s blazin’
You watch me in amazement

You can look at it
As long as you don’t grab it (Ooo)
If you don’t go braggin’ (you)
I might let you have it
You think that I’m teasin’
But I ain’t got no reason
I’m sure that I can please you
But first I gotta read you

Ooo boy you looking like you like what you see
Won’t you come over and check up on it
(I’ma let you work up on it)
Ladies let him check up on it
(Watch it while he check up on it)
Dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it
Check on me tonight

Ooo boy you looking like you like what you see
Won’t you come over and check up on it
(I’ma let you work up on it)
Ladies let him check up on it
(Watch it while he check up on it)
Dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it
Check on me tonight

I can tell you wanna taste it
But I’m gon’ make you chase it (Ooo)
Got to be patient (you)
I like my men patient, more patient
Your take might get you in more places
You can’t be abrasive
You have to know what pace is

If I let you get up on it
You got to make a promise (Ooo)
That you gon’ put it on me (you)
Like no one’s put it on me
Don’t bore me, just show me (no)
All men talk but don’t please
I can be a tease
But I really wanna please you

Ooo boy you looking like you like what you see
Won’t you come over and check up on it
(I’ma let you work up on it)
Ladies let him check up on it
(Watch it while he check up on it)
Dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it
Check on me tonight

Be Strong and Be Still

2006-06-09T23:55:00.000-07:00

today, slept at 8 in the morning... this pc is very lagging, watch WC last nite, now writting like a diary.. what do i feel today.... neutral .... very neutral, him, i hate to talk about men & relationship now, hate is not a suitable word, juz dont want to talk about it... maybe i juz woke up and dunno whats spinning in my head now, i know what to do, i know how to deal wif things, but sometimes i do make a mistakes, after all its juz a human side that evrybody's have it, the situation, life situation not a problem, its part of the journey which everybody have to face it, now, to make a choice and desicion its a very tough still sometimes its very hard for me to choose the rite one, shit new bleach is already out, need to go to BB to find new dvd uuwaaa, a lot of things happend in my life, and m feel lucky blessed, strange ya but its true, i know if i can handle these things for sure, its shud be fine in the future and also its part of my joureny of life that ive choose b4...

The thing works actually, but naaa that is past which is 2-3 wiks ago, i dont want to toture nybody, the fun is over ahaha, now back to normal me which i have to focus on my work, and feel it run smoothly, hungry, need to defrost the chicken 1st, i dnt y i have to think bout nonsense nymore, him, juz ignore him, m tired of him, evrythg dat he did got hiding msges, we dont belong to each other nymore , y dont u juz fuck off 4rm mylife , i dont like to curse but, y can he stick wif he's dcsn that he made, i dont want to know and i dont need to know bout dat, its over and i already be glad wif it, this is what happend if u being so stubborn, which well, ive changed a lot of things in mylife, lifestyle, a lot of things, improvin myself to be much better person for myself, serve well 4 myself, no expectation, enjoy evrything and desire nothing, living by a moment, counting my blessing evryday and anythg evrythg dat passes me by....

after dis my life would be much greater somehow i feel deep inside me, i dont know y, and no question bout it, and i do feel... enjoy the feelings, things alwis happenf, no matter what, who, when or anytgh, but do alwis do re-member than u will discover somethg tremendously will happen afterwards. I juz want to gain more knowledge, re-member me, exprience life( the way it shud be rite) whichit most important, channel the energy to much place needed, it knows how it work, no big deal bout that, andlastly, alwis be positive, they r ur mirror......

intriguing.... day...

2006-06-07T00:33:00.000-07:00

Need more energy to move on, to fin the day today...really... m tired and sickly sick wif this and dat, m i make a wrong moves, m i make a wrong decision, big mistake after a mistakes, i dunno, heart u cant denied bout it, chest pain, bear evrythg... alone, but m not lonely, i dont want to be lonely, and m not. i know i cant totaly blame him on what was happening b4, like & lust i guess.. nah.... no worries to my self, i wish i cud change dat now,tired of feelings like this today, i hate to be angry, but once it touch my pride n dignity.. dat's it, put the stop put an end, my life wont be miserable, untill the end.

no songs to share today, no question to be answered today, i know m not cheap, m not having all the way fun wif all those i dont know whoever are they, i still haf my pride and dignity, m not judgemental, who m i to judge, its cos of the likes of u, m become cheap on his eyes, OMG, now i realized dat its a situation that playin wif fire, this is y hate to like somebody, i cant handle some of things, him... i dont know, and at this point i dont want to know, y shud i know, can it makes any diffrent, if become better ok la, but if not,i dont to know,

sad mode... after angry mode, hurm.... whatever it is, i just enjoy the feelings that passed me by, i shud be thankful and feel blessed evry second that passed by, i didnt complaint what had happen today ya, i feels like.. is it hard to be good, no, but the saddest part is when ur kindness turn to backfire yourself... He went to embassy if not, i can alwis talk to him... and cry wif him.... his rival, u can creat love, but i like to just let it flow...

living by a moment

2006-05-23T02:13:00.000-07:00

Living by a moment hurm.... well what m doing now, him... i dunno m simple, m become more n more neutral nowadays, dont feel nything so much which i love it, i love my self, i love god, i love *** ahahah.... life u have to move on, yesterday is the past, now now is present, and now m doing my blog, walking away from my past life... sad a bit, but for what i have to feel dis way isnt? now m back to my sense... happy tho... whatever it is, my self is my priority... i dont want ny scandal nymore, tired laa... happy juz being me, happy wif my sorrounding..... god blessed me!

There's always that one person
that will always have your heart
You never see it coming cause
you're blinded from the start
Know that you're that one for me,
it's clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby, you will always be my boo

I don't know about y'all but I
know about us and uhh it's the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

Do you remember girl, who was
he one who gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl who was the one
who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby

It started when we were younger and you were mine (my boo)
Now another brothers' taken over but its'
still in your eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it's alright
(it's alright girl, that's okay)
And if we haven't seen each other in a while,
but you will always be my boo

Now if you loved when we were younger you were mine
And when I see from time to
time I still feel like, (that's my baby)
And if I see you no matter how I try to hide (I can't hide it)
And even though there's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo

Yes I remember boy, cause after we
kissed I could only think about your lips
Yes I remember boy, the moment
I knew you were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screaming your name
I was there and you were my baby

I don't know about y'all but I know about us and uhh it's
the only way we know how to rock (repeat)

M wif U

2006-05-22T02:11:00.000-07:00

Hurmm... moaning ahah... no... m have a great day which will end juz a few hours and m blessed cos things goes smoothly as the way it shud be, the key words is to be happy, thankful n blessed to god, and no complaint, like dis morning ahahah abg answer me.. surprised and funny... " buat tatau je' ahaha.. it was soo surprising.... i have lunch date wif him... hurm.. m happy to meet him today really... atleast i didnt meet him once a yr like b4 ok... he looked tired... fucked up actually according to him.. on top of dat alot of things, not pity but concern... m more relaxed when wif him, comfortable, yeah.... i do know he liked me b4 but afraid to commit and well now m trying to be what he told me b4 it for my own benefit not nybody else...

Ill do what i enjoy most, life is meaningful when u make it meaningful... o have to master urself not seeking for something which is vague, i belongs to evrybody and yet i dont belongs to anybody... so far... later i dont know... u have to love urself b4 u love others... u have to care urself 1st... thanx for alwis gvg me advice, attention to those who be thre for me for all times...

Love is evrywhre.. i can feel dat, him... i dont know... cos if he wants to act like dat for the whole life to me oso i dont care and i do nothing nymore.. really... fed up, ive tried to be more myself but yeah, if he wants to cont like dat what can i say even, be professional and deal wif ur own feeling, like he sd hu ha fwens is alwis be thre compare the so called gud fwens, hu ha fwens is more realiable ... sooo like him, .. i like him from the beginning ok not yesterday.... i have crushed on him a long before ive graduated really.... i dont go for a looks honestly, i wish i have a happy ending with who i will share my life with, commit my life wif ;)

Come my way......

2006-05-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

shedee: apsal pulak lg
bchan:
bchan: ntah
bchan:
bchan: well....
bchan: i already let go the feeling
shedee: napa
shedee: he push the lovvveee thing ke
bchan: urm...
bchan: thre's no love thing bitwin us at the 1st place please
bchan: funny rite
shedee: ok2
shedee: soo
shedee: apa yg depressed sgt
bchan: dunno....
bchan: hate myself for this kind stupid things
bchan: alwis feels like dat
bchan:
shedee: u do adored the guy
shedee: but denying the thing
bchan: yes
shedee: mcm tu
shedee: ooo
bchan: cos i know... we cant be 2gether even if i want to
bchan: isnt ?
shedee: betul laa
bchan: apa yg btul..?
shedee: betul la org nyer soklan tue
bchan: i know u wouldnt understand what ive been tru now
bchan: rite... like my fren sd, is hard for me to trust somebody and is hard for me to look around for others as well
shedee: nooo
shedee: ok
bchan: asal senyap
shedee: manade package yg lengkap
shedee: mcm u nak
shedee: huhuhuh
bchan: really
shedee: mesti ada kurrengnyeeeeeeee
bchan: b sedey
bchan: tp xde laa sedey sgt
bchan:
bchan: i do understand
bchan: situation
bchan: really
bchan: but feelings u cant denied, u cant lied
shedee: so?
shedee: sms x dpt gak ke
bchan: i dunno what to do
bchan: i dont care
bchan:
bchan: x
bchan: die x reply
shedee: muka dia ngan mustafa kamal sama ke
shedee: mesti hunky
bchan: idak laaa
bchan: iskk...
bchan: x hunky
bchan: gate
bchan: cute n swit
bchan: ok laa
shedee: apsal lak abg yg gate
bchan: not dat bad
shedee: ce susun sket plot nue
bchan: m not ez to fall in love
bchan: ok
shedee: u kan ada ego
shedee: ego yg sweet
bchan: dgr laaa dulu
shedee: tp xde la srong sgt ego tue
shedee: ok2
shedee: (lempang je abg nie..)
bchan: camni i dont know , dat i cud let myself like him...
shedee: cam b da x bergerak
bchan: which i knoew dat we cant be 2gether
shedee: ok
bchan: now.. i have to get rid form my mind
bchan: be who i am b4
bchan: i know... this is juz a feelings
bchan: which i cud bear...
bchan: i dont want this stupid things feeling affect my whole life.. whcih is not i know
bchan: r u thre
BUZZ!!!
shedee: hihihihh
shedee: ada nie
shedee: risau la tue
bchan: a bit la..
bchan: but..
bchan: well things happen for reason...
bchan: i dont want to jeopardize his relationship of cos
bchan: i know i can get a much much much better than im.. or whoever i with b4
bchan: on the phne
shedee: SAMA SAPA
bchan: yam
shedee: YAM?
bchan: mariah
bchan: mariam
shedee: mcm nama kawan sekolah aku je
bchan: tgk laa fwenster kite
shedee: ooo
bchan: heheh
bchan: idak laa
bchan: bdk2 lagi tuh
shedee: bkn dia tue ke yg kawan im
shedee: ooo
shedee: ok2

well... atleast somebody is listening my feelings... m sad.. but not dat sad... life dont invite situation like what m did hahah.. well.. it wont last long... the truth is... hope for the best... to me... i love to talk about life.. like when m with my coach b4.. alot of things to say evrything.. like now.. all the nonsense things ive... be blessed wif what i have now... be thankful to god HIDUP SIHAT NIKMAT and..no need to complain.. seek for the truth and the truth will set u free... hope for the best for eternity....

now feels back on the track... love to be me... love to be myself.. whatever it is... heart, mind, soul and act shudnt b contradict... thank you god!!!

Thank You! by Home Made Kazoku

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I know what u WANT

2006-05-18T03:36:00.001-07:00

This is really me... ive already pass that stage i guess.... well.. i dunno... now juz proceed wif what i have... life seems smoother. Bleesed and thankful to go wif what m tru now... fwens who supported me... of cos... be thre for me... m sleepy tired for a lot of things to do today..thre's a thing i dont want to know, like me and him, and another him.... i do like him.. but dat's it.. i have to bear that things cant be happening bitwin us.. at all..... small thing i guess.. its juz a matter or time... t him its a thrill... me.. part of teasing, part of flirting, part of liking him... i know its not rite or wrong... its juz of.. part of my life after him... i cant take it seriously... dat is the thing now.. its just a lust or more, its juz a like or more... which i have to stop.... i dont want to define that feeling now or never cos i can hide i know dat, m a gud pretender of cos... but i dont want to ruined my life again, m happy wif now... my condition.... bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from any harm dat will cause, across the nite, tru the day, all happiness and luck will be in my way...

Well, this songs dedicated to him... plus psd ahaha.... maybe if not in this life, our next life will be... who knows... ahaha... he needs something i feels, love, affection, attention.. care. i dunno but dat is the thing that i really feels.. well what to do ma... he wont really fall for women like me... i dunno y, kinda life plus who he is.. i do feel.. but like i care... i know what i want is more than enuff now... can i be wif him. can i have him... well to be honest.. i dont know and at this point i dun wan to know.... i have to work harder.... to achive more in mylife now... love is still around me.. god alwiz be thre..... amen.... i do like u... we can develop things together.. its nota promise... cos i know.. what is love, what is suffer and whats is fatigue... be blessed and thankful to god and happiness all the wat tru to u...

Yes you know I'll die for you
And ya know I'll ride with you
I will always try with you
And give ya my love and cry with you

I will climb a mountain high
Until I was up to touch the sky
So baby come and get more close to me
This is where your love is supposed to be

Mariah Carey Ft. Busta Rhymes - I Know What You Want (Video)

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i have No Fear....

2006-05-16T23:22:00.000-07:00

pussy cat dolls ft busta rhymes - don t cha

More on Grouper.com

Life started normal today... sick but like i care if m sick, its juz a matter of time... to heal back, evrything its alwis like this... u drive me crazy, just cant sleep.... crazy but it feels allrite... urm.. i left all behind... m starting to be okay now... suffer its juz an illusion somehow... love is still evrywhre... not now m focus on my work which is my priority... i dont want to look back anymore... i dont want to get lost anymore... what's been done, its already the pass.... about all him (sssss) in mylife also i dont want to know... they can do whatever they want but nothing can stop from what i want in life now...

marriage? i dont know.. for now of cos... work is moer important.... relationship will comes later.. bout that boy... i have no comments as well... he has his own way to deal wif his m already walk away from 'that life' as i mention, i do like him... but i know my limitation, boundaries, my terrority of cos... m a big women now... i have brains to think.. well.. dat kind of boy ez to handle... as far as i can see he needs love and attention... well... i cant make any decision... his life... and this is mylife... been thre tru dat rite... y i have to be wif the person which didnt appreciate me... i value myself... appreaciate myself.... to go i have faith, to love is to be destiny... what ever i have, i devoted now and then... to eternity...

The day Dat.......

2006-05-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

the day that shud for bid myself from hearing and thinking bout him, what is the past remains as it is... nothing can changed and i dont want to change it, as i mention b4 ive wasted my youth, wasted my time... as my fren said y shud i be so stupid, life must goes on, whatever it is...
i passed all the sadness, ive asked god to take my sadness away, its been like a impact, huge impact, but now, dat feelings changed.... i have what that i need, if not all but partly which is now m count my blessing, towards this journey, towards my end, my life shud be happy, from all the time within.
being stupid calling him, being stupid view back his pixies wif his 'special fwen' , but i have to let go this feeling... by remember something new, yummy ahahah.... u know who... of course, a fling juz a fling, if u want me to be in ur arms... u know how does it feel... ahahahaha..... well, being 'biatch' is not a sin, love is not a sin, love shud makes u happy from within..... kiss u here, kiss u at the 4head, life is not ez, but u will remember me untill u dead....

Ahora que ya mi vida se encuentra normal, ooh, ooh
Que tengo encasa quien suena con verme llegar, ooh, oh
Ahora puedo decir que me encuentro de pie
Ahora que me va muy bien

Ahora que con el tiempo logre superar, hmm
Aquel amor que por poco me llega a matar, no
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor
Ahora el fin vuelvo a ser yo

[1] - Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y otra vez pierdo la calma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se me desgarra el alma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se borra mi sonrisa
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y mi mundo se hace trizas

Ooh, oh, hey
Ahora que me futuro comienza a brillar, hmm-mm
Ahora que me han devuelto la seguridad, oh, whoa
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor
Ahora al fin vuelvo a ser yo

iN a Dream................

2006-05-11T01:04:00.000-07:00

Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.

I see you almost everyday, noticed your smiled and your thugged out ways.
Usually not attracted so intensely to a man your type
but your mystery intrigues me, let me show you what I'm like.

Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.

When I think about the possibilities of you ending up really feelin' me,
I get all flushed and wonder why I'm so infatuated with a guy --
your so so so, uncompatible.
I'm gonna make my move,
I'm gonna make my move, I'm gonna let you know that I'm feelin' you.

Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.
Ooh, in a dream you're here, next to me.
I'm makin' your every fantasy come true, in my dreams,
I'm with you.

You're so appealing to me, by every fantasy.
In your eyes, I see you and i. together we can
start a family, love lets erase the vanity, you and i.

urm.... taking things slow, taking things even much better... love to feel this, like to be this... no commitment, nothing's strange, i have to be strong... i have to be sincere cos m seeking for the truth and sincerity.... in life... atleast i know how sincere he is, reasons... well, as i mention before, things happen for reasons... what category i am it doesnt matter... cos m not in either category, under god's eyes and protection, to love is god, to err is still human, i need from god, is under his love and protection.

nothing shud i care, except myself, nothing shud i be, except myself, whatever it is its hard to be me... love is alwis in the air, happiness is alwis around me... just i have to be open and be a receiver... for certain cases anyways.... be thankful to go, be blessed with his mercy.... i am, complaining??? i dunno , is it m complaining, very difficult to say.... wish the love will fade away... throw away all the sadness, seeking the lights that come above, will come out from the darkness and life will be much beyond above.

love is sweet, love is so blue, u make my life complete when i can experienced u. englightement process of a journey that wouldnt end...

Major Changes!! GANBATTE!

2006-05-06T22:56:00.000-07:00

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
thinking of me too
Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me and I
wonder if you know I'm there (am I there, am I?)
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside
would you even care?
I just wanna hold you close but so far
all I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day (wait for the day)
to take the courage to say how much I love you
Yes I do

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Corazon
No puedo dejar de pensar en ti
Como te necesito
Mi amor, como te extrano
(translation:
Sweetheart
I can't stop thinking of you
How I need you
My love, how I miss you)

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe
that you came up to me and said I love you
I love you too

Now I'm dreaming with you tonight
Till tomorrow (till tomorrow) and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
than here in my room
Dreaming with you endlessly

RED, color of my passion, desire, lust... i really love that songs by selena, thre's a time that i feel down, and thre is my fren dat cud cheer me up, honto arigato frens... feels more relax than a few months back, well... maybe this is what i wished for, m fine, with this kind of feeling cos it makes me move on to another stage, juz worrd if my energy is still low, but i do believe, god still loves me as much as i do....
dont fall in love wif catalyts, which i hope not, m waiting for the right moment n time to c him, love is evrywhre i go, happiness is all over the place that ive been.... tired thinking all those ding dong never ending stories.... fed up, like i dont have anythg else to think. Now devoted back to whre i should be, m feel neutral now...
Now i can update my blog better, beinga fren indeed its not so difficult as long as u r sincere wif whoever u r be wif, y ppl pretending also i dunno, nothing to pretend, me and him, i have to laa... we r in the same dept, i dont want to ruin his things as well, m not that kind of human anyway, i do like him, if not, i wont do it wif him... but its just a feelings, lust and passion. Afterall ngage already, been thre, tru dat. M happy ppl be happy, marriage, gives birth, and evrythng, evry wikend will always like dis till i need to do somethg bout it, really, i need to think it tru, bought salsa skirt yesterday, m so nauti cos teasing as a pleasure... it makes me happy tho ahahah....its a fling, i think, it will get us nowhre and dats it. it wont happen again, now need to focus more on my work and work of course, relationship can comes later...
Be blessed, be thankful.... and of course be happy....
m calling ur soul tru the nite, i wish it is never end, ur lust belongs to me... untill the last breath that u need.
evry inch dat u feel, evry kissd that u give, u alwis remember me, ur desire wont be free.

2006-05-04T20:20:00.000-07:00

It's not her fault that she's so irresistible
But all the damage she's caused is infixable
Every twenty seconds you repeat her name
But when it comes to me you don't care
If I'm alive or dead

So objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
But you don't even bother

Objection I'm tired of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way I've got to get away

Next to her cheap silicon I look minimal
That's why in front of your eyes I'm invisible
But you gotta know small things also count
You better put your feet on the ground
And see what it's about so

Objection I don't wanna be the exception
To get a bit of your attention
I love you for free and I'm not your mother
But you don't even bother

Objection the angles of this triangle
Got dizzy dancing tango
I'm falling apart in your hands again
No way, no no no

I wish there was a chance for you and me
I wish you couldn't find a place to be
Away from here

This is pathetic and sardonic
It's sadistic and psychotic
Tango is not for three
Was never meant to be

But you can try it
Rehearse it
Or train like a horse
But don't you count on me
Don't you count on me boy

Pink is the colour of my love feeling, its obsessionss... according to aerosmith, yada yada yada... still headache afraid dat my blood arise... wish not, 2mrw luckly its holi holi day... but, yea i dunno what to do during wikend, i devoted my life again, not devoted laa but more to focus my energy, well, after my medium reply back, its juz a so so only well, getting better... i know the wish for that kind of fatherly, homie types of guy that i wished for will come someday... dat is y, i dont care, evryday ive met a lot of ppl, yes i know i believe my instinct, i do belive my predictn, cos its all come from the greatest 1, m also afraid if things might be i dunno what to call, really ma... cos i dont want it, not complaining but, funny and for god sake, let me be focus on my work 1st then relationship will come but to bear in mind, no expecttn, i know i know, want to cleanse but he went for a 2 wiks trip, turkey... what a life, nvm, my hubby to be love me endlessly... i want to increase my energy level, m not scarifying what i have, me and him, i dont have that kind of feelings anymore, me and another him... back to neutral juz please not come back and beg, bored la... thinking like a man...

its not happy, its not sad, but neutral... dat is what m feel now, anyway i dont lose anything at all, i dont feels that, its juz a lust, yeah..... nobody shud my history completely, what shud and shudnt, ive learned alot when things happen, i tru the most saddest things in mylife, evrythg... well, i know now m stronger than before.... "my lonelinest aint killin me no more" ...

throw away the fear, trust the god most,

now m feelin much much better, yes i do believe and trust the god most.

nothing cud harm me, nothing cud spare mylife,

as long as m in the family, i believe He will protect mylife.

focus the energy, focus to life

i need to be me, tho its hard to comply...

My love For U is Blind...

2006-05-02T01:37:00.000-07:00

M the one who is blind, blind by those sweet talker, by those who wants to take advantage on me, m i deserved this, i dunno.... life... looking for never ending happiness.... yeah take a few mins to complete today's blog, like sheedee said was true, my sis, everybody, and m still blind, what a huge mistake... god, to u i still have faith, to err is still human....

I need more strenght to carry on my life... towards my endless journey... Love and happiness, m far beyond that, m far far to feels that, stupidity of human being, and that is me....

My love for him is empty, as he mention.... oh, after all, after evrything.....

Loving you Has mAde mE feEl tHis wAY!

2006-05-01T04:52:00.000-07:00

You've got your mother and your brother
Every other, undercover, telling you what to say
You think I'm stupid
But the truth is, that it's Cupid, baby
Loving you has made me this way

So before you point your finger
Get your hands off of my trigger, oh yeah
You need to know this situations getting old
And now the more you talk, the less I can take

I'm looking for attention,
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away (just walk away, just walk away)

I waited here for you like a kid waiting after school
So tell me, how come you never showed
I gave you everything and never asked for anything
And look at me, I'm all alone
So before you start defending, baby
Stop all your pretending

I know you know I know
So what's the point in being slow
Let's get this show on the road today, hey

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away (just walk away, just walk away)

I want a love, I want a fire
To feel the burn, my desires
I want a man by my side
Not a boy who runs and hides
Are you gonna fight for me
Die for me
Live and breathe for me
Do you care for me
Cause if you don't then just leave

I'm looking for attention
Not another question
Should you stay or should you go
Well, if you don't have the answer
Why you still standing here
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Just walk away

Well, after a long .... break 2mrw start working back, i love the job, i love working thre, which is more than enuff for me now, if i want to take a leave also i dunno whre shud i go, whre can i go, sad and pathetic. Its not i hate being myself now, but its like m stuck, m not complaining, i need something, which i dunno what is that, m not proud wif what i have cos all those this and dat is from god, gals nothing to be envy, guys its just only a skin deep, u cant evaluate from looks, looks alwiz deceiving, looks true the heart, also, not all sexy gals, is purrrfect in bed, i read those ya! before i know how to handle guy, to flirt and evrything, after thru several stages in mylife, i know how to be evrythg, not only a gf, more than that, its not before the marriage u need to take care, but actually after that, after commit to one another, evryday learn something new...

When the things happen, m feel happy, thankful... crazy or what! after thinking deeper i know y, things happen, thres alwis a gud reasons why things happen... as my quote alwiz says, "The last thing you realize is me", its quite sad, but dats life, feels like crying....

Me and him..... well, looks never ending story, now it makes me feel more stupid and fed-up, me and him, well, i dont called it as a mistakes, i predicted already, whre ever i'll go, yeah its alwis happen like this, true i like him, but what can i do, tell me? its only a fling, i guess, like david, yea yea... only a fling, but those moment still lingering... m starting to make a spell... after yeah like i read those comments, deep inside still feels empty, oh my god onegai, dont cry here... m still like this, how to chose to be happy, m trying!!! dont fall inlove wif catalyst, m trying. ive tried and tried... but i know, that he dont feel anythg towards me, just a lust, most men like that, but what can i do!! oh god! take evrything as an oppourtunity.. whatever, since that nite, i dunno y i like him.... so fucking funny... but i know, things wont happen between us, god knows y, he wouldnt go for a women like me of cos, i know.... i have to wake up from a dream... 'girl next door' appeared suddenly, yup, i think i'll understand what im's meant... well, i know i cud be the 1 for somebody, its not fear of rejection, its a lust baby, love need lust as well, ahahah...

Ying said, m stronger before then, thank u god, though i dont have anybody now, i mean man's shoulder to cry on, im wont care my feelings, after that nite, all the drama's, i c tru my heart... not using eyes.... its time for me to make a move... all the desprate husband, go to hell, u can c only, i cant forget what actually happen that nite... ahahahah..... crazy! no, its a moment, lusty moment, whatever it calls,

love me tender,

love me sweet,

love me endlessly

u make my life complete....

paint my day

paint it red

i show how to be beside me

for all eternity u'll get

call up the sun

see it tru the moon

i remember the nite completely

its started my journey to like u

its not a mistake

its not a dream

we both know its just a fling

but god knows the end of it

Isnt dat GREAT

2006-04-06T00:51:00.000-07:00

Isnt dat GREAT! What a statement, its been almost a month i didnt update my blog. Well what matters now its my beautiful journey of life... its been a month also, m staying thre, fully recoverd, gaind a few shed... oh my... cant believe it...

Love, its evrywhre, dont c with eyes... it lies... i know maybe it is not the best decision making, as for whoever.. but the only concern its me... m the one that i shud tale care of... happy? sad? well to be honest nothing particular... i love what i feel rite now..

to err is human, to love is neutral,

maybe it is not the best solution, so what the hell i care of all

i dont KNOW...

2006-03-08T00:26:00.000-08:00

i dont know wether this decision that ive made is for whom actually, i've tried to vanish this a few days back incident for her i shall live, for her i shall continued my journey, for her i will celebrate her so called more to anniversary, event to write todays blog also i have to pull evrything back, and its all just for HER, i dont give a fuck to whoever anymore, i wont ask anythg, bcos after this i know.... i will determined my self to be strong willed.. evrything i will do its just for HER, i still keep ur pix my baby...

i dont asked them to share the pain, i dont asked them to be with me anymore, nothing that i want to ask anymore... afterall they are just human! merely human! i dont asked from them, i shudnt think about it, but as evrybody's know... the journey will never end.. part of me died yesterday... nobody will understand and i dont wish somebody to comfort me at all, i shud let go all these intense feeling... for the sake of her...

part of me has die, not long before the creation of earth

i will keep strong to be alive, for the sake of her which i love the most

to god i have faith, to err is still human,

forgive me god what i have did, but in the future i will becareful more

to god is love, suffer its just an illusion

part of me had died before, the rest will keep on moving and i hope i will understand more....

i will remember u, i will keep u in my heart... sorry my dear... more that sorry i feel.......

for Heaven anD Hell i wIll be pEriSh!!!

2006-02-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

Love... what is it.... Life what is really dat Misery i will put a stop, journey it will continue forever and ever....

Je suis désolé
Lo siento
Ik ben droevig
Sono spiacente
Perdóname

I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

You're not half the man you think you are
Save your words because you've gone too far
I've listened to your lies and all your stories (Listen to your stories)
You're not half the man you'd like to be

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap
There's more important things than hearing you speak
You stayed because I made it so convenient
Don't explain yourself, you'll never see

Gomen nasai
Mujhe maaf kardo
Przepraszam
Slihah
Forgive me...

(Sorry, sorry, sorry)
I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
I've heard it all before
And I can take care of myself
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'forgive me'
I've seen it all before
And I can't take it anymore

I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say you're sorry
(Don't explain yourself cause talk is cheap)
I've heard it all before, And I can take care of myself
(There's more important things than hearing you speak)
I don't wanna hear, I don't wanna know
Please don't say 'forgive me'

I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before
I've heard it all before

Nothing seems to be the way it used to
Everything seems shallow
God give me truth
In me and tell me
Somebody's watching over me
And that is all I'm praying
Is that...

Someday I will understand
In gods whole plan
And what he's done to me
Oh but maybe
Someday I will breathe
And I'll finally see
See it all in my baby

Don't run too fast dear
Why don't you stop?
Stop and listen to your tears
They're all you got
Its in you
You see somebody's watching over you
And all that I'm praying
Is that.....

Someday you will understand
In gods whole plan
And what he's done to you
Oh but maybe
Someday you will breathe
And you'll finally see
See it all in your baby
See it all in your baby

No moment will be more true
Then the moment I look at you

It's in you
You see somebody is watching
Over you
And that is that I'm praying
Is that.......

Someday you will understand
In gods whole plan
And what he's done to you
Oh but maybe
Someday you will breathe
And you'll finally see
See it all in your baby
See it all in your baby

See it all in my baby
See it all in my baby
See it all in my baby
See it all in my baby.......

i dont know what to sd more....... live happy and njoy the journey

thIngSS..s...s...s....s.....

2006-02-05T04:42:00.000-08:00

actually i dont know what is in my mind at the moment, cos to me.. life shud be much better, yea yea now much better what i mean hear.. smoother... i dont know what is in his mind, i know god already had a plan for me, but the thing is, i dont know what to do... hungry...laa

life- i really hope my life run smoother :(( in evrythings, i dont have nybody to turn to xcept god, yeah i know, i wish really wish all my wish will come true this year.. what ever i wiash for during the end of dec...

No, don't try to apologize
Don't play the game of persistence
Excused existed before you did

No, dont look at me like before,
Don't talk in plural
Rhetoric is your most lethal weapon

I'm going to ask you to never come back again
I regret that you still can hurt me, here,
Inside

And that at your age you already know well
What its like to break someone's heart like this

No, one can't live with so mucn venom
The hope your love gave me
No one else has given me
I swear

No, one can't die with so much venom
One shouldn't devote the soul
To collecting attempts
Rage weighs more than cement

I expect that you dont expect that i expect you
After turning twenty six
Patience has sunk all the way down to my feet

So here i pluck daisy petals
While I'm looking without seeing
To find our if you'll get irritated and leave

I'm going to ask you not to come back ever again
I regret that you still can hurt me, here,
Inside

And that at your age you already know well
What is like to break someone's heart like this

No, one can't live with so much venom
The hope your love gave me
No one else has given me
I swear

No, one can't die with so much venom
One shouldn't devote the soul
To collecting attempts
Rage weighs more than cement

Well, ive got nothing to say cos i know, in the end the one will tru dis is me, not anybody else but me, i juz need a clue from god, really, i dont know what else to do to slove my things........ it run tru my mind, its scrolling towards my bone, inside my heart, m hurt... m down, i dont want to choose to be dat way, but he alwis sd, m choose to feel dat, who in the world want to be sad, misery and all. its not about decision makin but things dat u did will come back to u, what u sow is what u reap!!

take it OR leave it OR bear it

2006-01-27T04:36:00.000-08:00

which one that i need to choose, is that the category that i involved with, i dunno and i dont want to know... nothing seems ez but only 1 thing for sure... put the highest tot and the energy will guide u, have faith and do believe... things will be run smoother....

bind my heart bind my soul
bind from any harm that will cause
across the nite, tru the day
all the luck will in all my way

to god i love, to err is human
whatever things that i earn, m only a human
to god i have faith, to love i do believe
it is not about hate, it juz a form of human disease

painting my sky, painting it red
i wish i will be fine, in all way till m dead
love is so blue, love make me happy
it is the journey dat i have to go tru,
in order to gain something true

put the stop put an end
i need to shake it off
cause i dont need him again

I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake it off

By the time you get this message
It's gonna be too late
So don't bother paging me
'Cause I'll be on my way
See, I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes
Just ask your momma she knows
You're gonna miss me baby
Hate to say I told you so
Well at first I didn't know
But now it's clear to me
You would cheat with all your freaks
And lie compulsively
So I packed up my Louie Vuitton
Jumped in your ride and took off
You'll never ever find a girl
Who loves you more than me

[Chorus]
I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciates all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake it off

[Bridge]
I gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it
Off...

I found out about a gang
Of your dirty little deeds
With this one and that one
By the pool, on the beach, in the streets
Heard y'all was
Hold up my phone's breakin' up
I'ma hang up and call the machine right back
I gotta get this off of my mind
You wasn't worth my time
So I'm leaving you behind
Cause I need a real love in my life
Save this recording because
I'm never coming back home
Baby I'm gone
Don't cha know

[Chorus]
I gotta shake it off
Cause the loving ain't the same
And you keep on playing games
Like you know I'm here to stay
I gotta shake it off
Just like the Calgon commercial
I really gotta get up outta here
And go somewhere
I gotta shake it off
Gotta make that move
Find somebody who
Appreciated all the love I give
Boy I gotta shake it off
Gotta do what's best for me
Baby and that means I gotta
shake it off

much better now, i know what i want in life basically.. .. and the moment i need to mould the energy back and stronger, focus the energy to more places needed...

nite has fall, sun already missed

please tell me god, untill when i need to be like this

towards this journey untill the end

god give me hint, i really need to be back again

love is sweet, sweeter than honey

i know i'll do my level best, to be with and to experience him....

hEarT, miNd & SoUl...

2006-01-15T02:50:00.000-08:00

wind blows, sun has set, this is whre is the force and this is the start...

things had changed, due to certain reasons, life is endless due it a complication... as for me, i dont want to think is over, i dont want to let myself in this situation further more. i let myself being like this for several weeks or months.. i just want to be what i have wished for...
life is endless, tears keep dropping, what shud i give more, if the end will be like this... to god i devoted, to fear i removed, love is fun when we understand the clue
draw a line, paint the future... is this what i want... to be .... yeah yeah... stuck here... well... up side down, but i'll take as an oppourtunity... alwis think in dat way....

isolated

2006-01-12T01:55:00.000-08:00

m isolated myself, for nothing for i dunno what, i have to admit a several things in my life, mean to make evrythg's clear :((, m sad unfortunately, i know y is dat, i know y i am isolated myself, its for my own good? its for my own benefit? i dunno, but i need to do, to make it stop b4 evrytgh turns up side down

life is perfect, i love myself but at the moment, i dunno, its not being enjoying or not enjoying, m not in a very gud mood recently, since last wik, and i found it why, but yeah i cant do anythg also, tho it is so called freedom or whatever it it, ive got my limitation... after all m juz a human, we do have this divine energy but we also have the human side of course.

not, full with anger well, m enjoying it, dat's life, with the human side, rather than, think this and that without the reason y, do like parrot without what is the meaning and understand what is life and acting like know evrythg, and now using dat excuse without know what is the real reason.

also, yess like you so purfect and begging me for that, hello do i look a service center to you, come as u please, go as u wish.. this is real world, and being guilty for what have u made, crazy!

i know what i want, tho life seems so.... i dun want to say it, or think about it, i makes me feels like only god knows...

love is blossom, life is beautiful
i made my self doom, when i think it over

tru dis journey, tru dis end
i wish for the sincerity in mylife and towards the end

lOve iS aLL aRounD

2005-12-28T07:07:00.000-08:00

Yes sir
Yes sir
Yes sir
Yes sir

I got new shoes on the ride (yes sir)
Rollin' down 95 (yes sir)
And you can see in my eyes (yes sir)
That I'm lookin for a cutiepie (yes sir)
And we ain't gotta make love (yes sir)
And we can just cuddle up (yes sir)
But if she want me to beat it up (yes sir)
Then dammit, I'll beat it up (yes sir)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)

I don't know why, but the ladies call ol' baby blue the sticker
They take me and rape me and make me they victim
I lick em and freak 'em if they married I see ya
If they look like wifey material, then I keep 'em
Stuntin' through the city tryin' to find a lady who
Beautiful, but she gotta have booty too
Baby blue gonna let you do what you wanna do
You can feel on it if you really want to
Get a taste of the salami
knock knock knock knock you down like a tsunami
bust in you like atomi-ee
I'mma ahead of my class gettin' head in the jag
look in the duffle bag see benjamin heads on the cash

I got new shoes on the ride (yes sir)
Rollin' down 95 (yes sir)
And you can see in my eyes (yes sir)
That I'm lookin for a cutiepie (yes sir)
And we ain't gotta make love (yes sir)
And we can just cuddle up (yes sir)
But if she want me to beat it up (yes sir)
Then dammit, I'll beat it up (yes sir)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)

Top down blue star tag
Ol' master bear skin rugs in the jag
Spectac with the bad chick in the back
tryin ta beat it up like an Everlast punching bag
hotter than a bisquick biscuit out the oven
your baby mama go on missions to get this lovin
we kissin and huggin she never pick her phone up
You be lookin for her while we doin the grown up
she complain when she catch back spasms,
but she love when she get the back to back orgasms
yes sir, the game is automatic, give it to 'em one time
They come back like addicts.

I got new shoes on the ride (yes sir)
Rollin' down 95 (yes sir)
And you can see in my eyes (yes sir)
That I'm lookin for a cutiepie (yes sir)
And we ain't gotta make love (yes sir)
And we can just cuddle up (yes sir)
But if she want me to beat it up (yes sir)
Then dammit, I'll beat it up (yes sir)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)

Well let me step up in this thang
Right lookin smellin good
lookin good Spec and Baby Blue and Pleasure Fool
That's all we got!
let me drop my top pull up in the parking lot
grab a grape soda bag of chips
that's all I got
park outside minglin wit' my homeboys
faked out fake hugs leave me alone boy
plus the candy lookin good enough to eat
you can tell by the way the girls actin cross the street
but on the other hand
Alfalfa Just hit me on my metro
say a party in the park hard baby let's go
the balla tick no questions asked, so I jumped out the white jag

smooth like Shaq come her girl!

I got new shoes on the ride (yes sir)
Rollin' down 95 (yes sir)
And you can see in my eyes (yes sir)
That I'm lookin for a cutiepie (yes sir)
And we ain't gotta make love (yes sir)
And we can just cuddle up (yes sir)
But if she want me to beat it up (yes sir)
Then dammit, I'll beat it up (yes sir)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)
My body, your body (it's burnin' up)

Dunno y, feelin so sexy recently, yeah yeah alwis like dat, thanx coach givin me haf day leave :D hehehe....

well, tho i have to focus on my work, i do need somebody :D, juz like any other human, more to mutual understanding, more to companion.. urm... na.. his thre but m not preparing? blind? i dunno, whatever it is m happy...

new yr resulotion? not much i guess.. m juz enjoying it, life full with happiness, colour with rainbow, draw with lots of love...

wish all will be fine, all will be great
life will be so much fun, through all the year it will take!!

its takes a few days to complete from last year till 2006, i dunno laa y... things happen soooo fast, well m fine with dat..

love... is in the air, my air, my boundaries, my teritory and evrythings... feels good, if its happen its happen... nothing much to talk about cos its like dunno whre to start and it will juz end like dat...

work yeah yeah a lots of things to do, hard to breath, hard to catch the breath oso, pying attention, yes m njoying my work and evrybodi....

HAPPY NEW YEAR.... evrybodi.. hope lots of lots of lots of hapiness and love will be with me all my precious time :)

wHat u Sow Its wHat u rEap

2005-12-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan
And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my
'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me
And I'm too sexy for this song ....

nothing excite me, nothing can feed my apetite.. :)) hahaha.... m happy, and happy to be happy... i made things, i passed that things, and i want to deal with other things, being pix taking candid by strangers, ppl looking at me and hit the post box, been thre, thru dat!
I know, aware and alwis thankful to god to give me such a pretty face, now ive got my ideal weight, dat is more than thankful i guess, blessed!oh yeah, great job, if u happy wif ur job, u r the happiest person and i shud be grateful to dat, of course!

loves bloom, loves gloom
only god cud aswer whre is the room
the room is within urself
when u have the key, then u can enter the room

towards the journey, i tru wif open heart and soul... nothing dat i ever wanted, maybe ppl at my age wont think about this think.. whatever its not my concern.

- love ur self, marry wif ur self, making love wif urself and devoted to the great 1 -

tO SeE tHe w0rld the way I M

2005-12-23T20:43:00.000-08:00

:), smilling... i cant do much last nite, so sleepy, but tonite i'll continue the session. wish things will be smooth sailing ahead... new yr resolution.. so called or whatever it calls 1.to be happy
2. stop smoking
3. maintain evrything the way it shud be - errr i mean my weight
4. my career
5. to be focus

c the world the way i am, after long long long discussion last nite, i managed to understand more things, hard to find those education, its funny when they said we are mad when is it the truth, u can believe whatever u want to believe rite, even u see things but you dont want to believe...

what is the past remain the past, i know no means no, but the things is m not firm enuff and cos he knows it, he use this way, is it fair, what is fair..

see tru me, see tru my heart, whatever it shud be, it is actually the past,

spread the wings, fly to the moon, i wish for the eternity, i wish it will bloom

i hate myself to allow this things, stupid! but dat is the past, i know what i shud do, atleast, i know what i want in this journey, i know what kind determination dat i need, thanx to evrybodi, sifu, coach, sis, the most of all is god!

just let it die
with no goodbyes
details don't matter
we both paid the price
tears in my eyes
you know sometimes
it'd be like that baby

now everytime i see you
i pretend i'm fine
when i wanna reach out to you
but i turn and i walk and i let it ride
baby i must confess
we were bigger than anything
remember us at our best
and don't forget about

late nights, playin' in the dark
and wakin' up inside my arms
boy, you'll always be in my heart and
i can see it in your eyes
you still want it
so don't forget about us

i'm just speaking from experience
nothing can compare to your first true love
so i hope this will remind you
when it's for real, it's forever
so don't forget about us

oh they say
that you're in a new relationship
but we both know
nothing comes close to
what we had, it perseveres
that we both can't forget it
how good we used to get it

there's only one me and you
and how we used to shine
no matter what you go through
we are one, that's a fact
that you can't deny
so baby we just can't let
the fire pass us by
forever we'd both regret
so don't forget about

and if she's got your head all messed up now
that's the trickery
she'll wanna have like you know how this lovin' used to be
i bet she can't do like me
she'll never be mc

baby don't you, don't you forget about us

don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go
no baby, no baby, no baby no
don't baby, don't baby, don't let it go

when it's for real, it's forever
so don't forget about us.

life is beautiful.....

doN't boTheR

2005-12-21T00:14:00.000-08:00

She’s got the kind of look that defies gravity
She’s the greatest cook
And she’s fat free fat free fat free

She’s been to private school
BUT she speaks perfect French
She’s got her perfect friends
Oh isn’t she cool?

She practices Gay fucking
She'd never lose the nerve
She's more than you deserve
She's just far better than me

Hey, hey!

So don’t bother
I won’t die, of deception
I promise you won’t ever see me cry
Don’t feel sorry

And don't bother
I’ll be fine
But she’s waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don’t bother, be unkind

I'm sure she doesn't know
How to touch you like I would
I beat her at that one good
Don't you think so?

She's almost 6"0 feet tall
She must think I'm a flea
I'm really a cat you see
And it's not my last life at all

Hey, hey!

So don’t bother
I won’t die, of deception
I promise you won’t ever see me cry
Don’t feel sorry

don't bother
I’ll be fine
But she’s waiting
The ring you gave to her will lose its shine
So don’t bother, be unkind

[Whispering]
For you, I'd give up all I own
And move to a communist country
If you came with me, of course
And I'd file my nails so they don't hurt you
And lose those pounds, and learn about football
If it made you stay, but you won't, but you won't

So don't bother,
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine
I promise you won't ever see me cry

And after all I'm glad that I'm not your type
I promise you won't ever see me cry

dont bother ill be fine ill be fine ill be fine
i promise you wont ever see me cry
and after all that im glad im not your type, not your type, not your type, not your type
i promise you wont ever see me cry

i wont cry, i wont die bcos of small things, threfore its juz a reason... ppl with reason cant be succeed. Yup i want to have inner peace, most of ppl cant understand what is the truth and sincerity, i juz let evrything loose and go,
time and space,
heaven n earth,
what shall bring in this taste,
i wouldnt care to know more
urm.. after a long discussion i feel much much better today, at least at this moment i cud focus or to source the energy to somewhre more useful.. marriage, relationship or whatever it is... i put aside cos its not what i have todo , its what i want to do... what i believe is what is the truth

at this moment, the tots of him... fading like a flower.. it is great, i know thing happen for reasons and well... atleast this the the preacious time that ive to grab and make use of it.
dim the lights,
burn the candle,
what will makes you feel rite
is light from the heaven.

love makes u happy
but it wont last long
what is important is the sincerity
as long as you are be with the eternity...

oh my, now i cud make the spell back, i cant believe it, yeah i lost the touch, when the things happen... i allowed myself to be like dat, stupid of humanity, u have to learn or tru the pain and sadness to understand, from that build ur dreams, build ur self, what ever it is, m glad i surpass!

These words are my own
From my heart flown
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There’s no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you…

is AnyBody GonNa SaVe ME....

2005-12-16T18:26:00.000-08:00

urmm.... i know, i know... i shudnt think soo much bout the future, i shud must have to be happy... happiness is all the way....i will managed to do dat, visualize evrything...

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Young girls dying to be on TV
Won’t stop till they’ve reached their dreams

Diet pills, surgery
Photo shop pictures in magazines
Telling them how they should be
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

I guess things aren’t how they used to be
There’s no more normal families
Parents act like enemies
Making kids feel like it’s World War 3

No one cares, no one’s there
I guess we’re all just too damn busy
And money’s our first priority
It doesn’t make sense to me

Is everybody going crazy
Is anybody gonna save me
Can anybody tell me what’s going on
Tell me what’s going on
If you open your eyes
You’ll see that something is wrong

Is everybody going crazy
Is everybody going crazy

Tell me what’s wrong with society
When everywhere I look I see
Rich guys driving big SUV’s
When kids are starving in the streets

No one cares
No one likes to share

wif these god's energy i cant be what i was b4... happiness all the way, i deserved to be happy and get what ive wanted...yup this is what i want to be... bout him.. he already has a plan for himself.... whatever... i already know what i've wanted all this way.. all i want... no plan... m being ez to myself...

mORe than ANYthing, BeyonD EvrYthinG

2005-12-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

raining... heavily... rain is pouring down... i feel most of the life is back and now its gone, and well actually i dont have to feel dat, i can stop the scene, i can make or go or switch another scene, dat is what i will do, urm.. atleast i let the things go and understand, i will apply those what i did tell him last nite....

life is a journey and life is a big joke, juz laugh all the way......

cramP!!

2005-12-05T02:14:00.000-08:00

stomach cramp!! urm.. luckily i know what to do besides to take the medicine... well... it is so thankful!! i juz folliwng the flow... i dont want to think to much, yeah its happy to be like this anyway.. fed-up with all the past that i've carry

Beautifully Broken

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by

But I will try
I will try

Wipe the tears from my eyes
I'm beautifully broken
And I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken
And I don't care if I show it

Everyday is a new day
I'm reminded of the past
Every time there's another storm
I know that it won't last
Every moment I'm filled with hope cause I got another chance

But I will try
I will try
Got nothing
Left to hide
Without the highs and the lows
Where would we go
Where would we go

urm... my mood goes down a few days back, the energy lowered, i hate and m thinking too much bout nonsense, unwanted things, i want to make my mind clear and get rid of the memo, its better sometimes u have amnesia hahah like john doe, yeah oppsss becareful what u wish for... well.... whatever god has give me at the moment or for the future... i will be very thankful.. things happen for betterment of course, im the one whos ruined it now, i can see that...

its sad cos m abusing myself like this, toturing like its no end, i can put an end, i can put a stop on it, after all life is beautiful, i dont know he's intension, things happen, and sometimes u cud avoid unwanted things happen, isnt it, m tired being sorrounded with men anymore, y, maybe its time to opened up myself to another stage..

i wish life cud be much better, life cud be more wonderful and happier..... god i need this .........

NorMallY NorMal

2005-12-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

quiet sometimes , i didnt update the blog, no mood, no i dont know, in the office, having a so called break

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
And throwing their love away
But I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

I don't wanna go another day
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind
See the way we ride, in our private lives
Ain't nobody gettin' in between
I want you to know that, you're the only one for me (one for me)
(What I'm sayin' is)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

And now, ain't nothing else I can need
And now, I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me
I got you, we'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you (baby I'm with you)
Baby you're with me (baby you're with me, higher)

So don't cha worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you, and you know me
And that's all that counts
So don't cha worry about
People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you, and you know me
And that's, that's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u

urm.. fall n love wif this songs for a moment dat is y i used pink, love energy all over, now m being in a bit of unhappy moods, alwis like this , if i went and to see him, he makes my energy down, i have to do something bout it, i run and hide but he still keep coming back to me, and this called FRIEND has did more than enuff actually... its not about sadness now, i feel more like, what eh, 'merajuk', he's going to bandung wif his called special fren n her sis, whatever... at first m want to follow him but when he toldme dat, ok laa , i dont want to interupt anything, i know i cud go by my self....

m not searching but looking of course laa, m not blind... but b4 yes! for another relationship at the moment, m happy being like this, uncountable male frens... yeah but not like to keep them or...getting to close, lost the intension all of dat... basically m bored with that environement, i have goals in life, i have alot of thing to enjoy in this present journey, i have my own things to settle and do.... i just need the right person which i found it as a guidance... urmm now feeling much better after i write all those stuff in this blog... with the so called love song!

life, at the moment, i try to take my job very positif, m happy with it true, but the candidates being so whatever, and the client being soooo whatevr, i dont want to curse or talking bout stupidity of human being here.... cos i dont want the energy flows back to me i mean the negetive energy....

go with the flow
enjoy every moment dat passed by
be positive in everything
be thankful
and NO WORRIES......

bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from any cause that will harm.... across the nite, tru the day... i wish the happiness in my life in every way..... amen...

Because of U

2005-11-20T04:47:00.000-08:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

i dont know, whats happening to me today, what i mean here.. i feel lost suddenly, m i stupid or stubborn, or juz being i dont know what,(scolding myself)! i think he got new girl, to be honest, m fine wif dat, i dont have to see him, nymore, it makes me i dont know, evrytime we met, whatver, i really done wif him, i move on, but he keep coming back, feel being used, i juz need god at this moment, his energy to guide me, to be strong to be peacful, to get away from him.....

fLu~

2005-11-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

coughing, koff koff heheh... yup still eye sore when use yellow....

i opened up evrythg to move on to the next level, next step...

to be strong, to be balance, to have the inner peacefull.... god i really need you~

I need home, whre i can be with.. still searching the home~

Something in your eyes
Makes me want to lose myself
Makes me want to lose myself
In your arms
There's something in your voice
Makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
The rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've felt so low
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

Chorus: Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where
I come from
Feels like home to me
Feels like home to me
Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see through the dark there's light

If you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
If you knew how happy you are making me
I've never thought I'd love anyone so much

Chorus

Feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

dat song ive dedicated to my sis on her wedding, me... that is y i need my home... soon god, i know..

i let go his love, all this thing started cos the next table parted and the negetive energy flows to me, hate dat, and bcome soo emotional...

makes mylife beautiful
makes mylife smooth

SpooKy Vs FUnnY

2005-11-14T04:42:00.000-08:00

Urmmm the training was great, evrything is smooth, its fun but spooky ahahah.... got alot of incident that when to think of it i will laugh, when the spookiness times... a bit scared!

got haf day, mc, not feeling well today, in and out... he came and send me to clinic, i dont think bout him, or nyone else, hello, i love my life like this..... and when to think bout migrating, m looking forward to, he didnt believe that ill go to states... well we'll see...

to look foward is what i am, to achive more is what i want, to be and to do great things is what i wish for....

spread the love... energy........

My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Of that im sure
She smiled at me on the subway
She was with another man
But i wont lose no sleep on that
Cause ive got a plan

You`re beautiful. You`re beautiful.
You`re beautiful, it`s true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
and i dont know what to do
cause i`ll never be with you

yeah, she caught my eye
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that i was,
fucking high,
and i dont think that i`ll see her again
but we shared a moment that will last til the end

You`re beautiful.You`re beautiful
You`re beautiful, its true
i saw your face in a crowded place
and i dont know what to do
cause i`ll never be with you
You`re beautiful. You`re beautiful
You`re beautiful, it`s true
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you,
but it`s time to face the truth
i will never be with you.

UnXpected of UnXpecting....

2005-11-10T05:08:00.000-08:00

What a sleeeeeeepy day, raining for the whole eve, nice weather n lepaks at ampang park, no whre to go exactly... life is so much fun and really happy and yea being single like this, the most that i miss currently is BLEACH!! dah le the hair looks like rukia hehehe...

Next wik meeting my Sifu, we'll c how or comments from him bout the plan... what a dream last nite... urm.. feel so much peaceful and relax.. miss him too cos i only have him n my sis here...

2mrw goin to fraser hill, relax, love, happy, joy, thankful n bless... what i feel at the moment..

thanks evryboy..........

Migrating???

2005-11-09T06:55:00.000-08:00

URmmm.... m thinking of migrating... us mabe.. by end of next yr or early 2007.. y?

i dont have nything left here, parents, they will gone soon, my beloved sis, she will migrate to uk.... when her child grows up
its not i want a challenging life, but i want a happy life, to live is what i want, to make my life happy is what i wish for
what else do i want... m thinking bout myself, i know i can survuve no matter whre, no matter in what condition
god is always thre, i have to do tantric 1st b4 i go :)) .... (what a thing)..

"Thorn and Pride".

Grasp bravely
The signpost of pride,
Let it be steadfast;
As we struggle forward
To continue the journey
Another step. . .
. .Holding fast to our conviction,
Grasp strongly
Don't let it waver!
We dare
To stay here,
To blossom here,
To drop here.

by ang san suu kyi.. i have to act like her.. so to adapt dat, i need something more than human freedom strenght ... err... kundalini :D,

"For me real freedom is freedom from fear and unless you can live free from fear you cannot live a dignified human life. It's not possible if you're always having to think what will somebody do to me if I say this, what will somebody do to my family if I do that, that's not the sort of life I want to live and that was not the sort of life I want my people to live. So yes it's the idea of real freedom which comes from inside and once you're free inside and once you feel that I can accept whatever happens to me so long as I'm working for something that is right, then I think you are free."

whatever... m an actress... cleopatra, venus, conquer, and whatever it is .. alwiz take dat as a compliment! after a day ive been thinking, this is my desicion...

i keep my friend, i treasure the memories, i lost my love but still m happy to know that i have u( u know ) as a fren when m indeed.

What You Waiting For

What an amazing time
What a family
How did the years go by?
Now it's only me

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
(La la la la la)

Like a cat in heat stuck in a moving car
A scary conversations,
Shut my eyes, can't find the brake
What if they say that you're a cutter?

Naturally i'm worried if i do it alone
Who really cares cuz it's your life
You never know, it could be great
Take a chance cuz you might grow
Oh... oh ohhh

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock
Tick tock

Take a chance you stupid Ho

Like an echo pedal, you're repeating yourself
You know it all by heart
Why are you standing in one place?
Born to blossom, bloom to perish

You know you're only known
Cuz of your sex chromosome
I know it's so messed up how our society all thinks (for sure)
Life is short, you're capable (uh huh)
Oh... oh ohhh

LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW!
YOU'RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE!
YOU GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!
AND THEY'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK!

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

I can't wait to go
Back into Japan
Get me lots of brand new fans
Osaka, Tokyo
You Harajuku girls
Damn, you've got some wicked style...

GO!
LOOK AT YOUR WATCH NOW!
YOU'RE STILL A SUPER HOT FEMALE!
YOU GOT YOUR MILLION DOLLAR CONTRACT!
AND THEY'RE ALL WAITING FOR YOUR HOT TRACK!

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting
What you waiting for!?

What you waiting for?
What you waiting for?
Take a chance, you stupid ho

Take a chance, you stupid ho
What you waiting for?
What you waiting for?
Take a chance, you stupid ho
Take a chance, you stupid ho

Everything to Me + Why Cant I breathe

2005-11-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

Liz phair is supermom, divorced punk rock indie "mem"... da lama around.. lately turn nyanyi lagu2 kiut.. *sebenarnya ada lagu stok kiut dia tp psl fringe dan underground..)-

Layan dua yg terbesh drpd makcik nie..

EVERYTHING TO ME

I bet it makes you laugh-
Watching me work so hard to reach you
You never gave a damn
About all of those things
I did to please you

All that you wanted, you found somewhere else
And nothing could drag you away from yourself

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?Everything to me

Lucky I've been through hell Backroads and shortcuts I know them well
Baby just stick with me
We'll make it together, just wait and see

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me? Everything to me

The walls they close in
The air it goes out
We're left with nothing but a shadow of doubt

Nobody talks, no one is here It's just you and me

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?Everything to me

Do you really know me at all?
Would you take the time to catch me if I fall?
Are you ever gonna be that real to me?Everything to me

I bet it makes you laugh
Watching me work so hard to reach you

WHY CANT I... also ada dlm filem 13 gone 30
Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you (hardly know you)
It's just like we were meant to be
Holding hands with you, when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right (isn't right)
And I've got someone waiting, too

What it is, its just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me-Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? (when ever i think about you, X4)

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you, too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch.
But wouldn't it be beautiful?

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my head’s spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
high enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'high enough for you to pull me under

Somethin's growin'
Out of this that we can't control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it

So tell me-Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? (whenever i think about you, whenever i think about you, whenever i think about you, whenever i think about youuuu)

All the loVe in the woRld

2005-11-06T04:14:00.000-08:00

There's people talking
They talk about me
They know my name
They think they know everything
But they don't know anything
About me

Give me a dance floor
Give me a dj
Play me a record
Forget what they say
Cause I need to go
Need to getaway tonight

I put my makeup on a saturday night
I try to make it happen
Try to make it all right
I know I make mistakes
I'm living life day to day
It's never really easy but it's ok

Wake Up Wake Up
On a saturday night
Could be New York
Maybe Hollywood and Vine
London, Paris maybe Tokyo
There's something going on anywhere I go
Tonight
Tonight
Yeah, tonight

The city's restless
It's all around me
People in motion
Sick of all the same routines
And they need to go
They need to get away
Tonight

I put my makeup on a saturday night
I try to make it happen
Try to make it all right
I know I make mistakes
I'm living life day to day
It's never really easy but it's ok

Wake Up Wake Up
On a saturday night
Could be New York
Maybe Hollywood and Vine
London, Paris maybe Tokyo
There's something going on anywhere I go
Tonight
Tonight
Yeah, tonight

People all around you
Everywhere that you go
People all around you
They don't really know you
Everybody watching like it's some kind of show
Everybody's watching
They don't really know you now
(They don't really know you)
(They don't really know you)
And forever

Wake Up Wake Up
(Wake Up Wake Up)
Wake Up Wake Up
(Wake Up Wake Up)

Wake Up Wake Up
On a saturday night
Could be New York
Maybe Hollywood and Vine
London, Paris maybe Tokyo
There's something going on anywhere I go

Wake Up Wake Up
On a saturday night
Could be New York
Maybe Hollywood and Vine
London, Paris maybe Tokyo
There's something going on anywhere
I go
Tonight
Tonight
Yeah, tonight

after a while... sleepy n tired cos of the journey today...not happy with my dad.. well, i dont want to settle down at this this time... gimme a break, come on la.. after i broke off, pls give me times to do my own swit things, men come with intention, i need a MEN dat .. a lot of criterias that i want in men basically.. and god knows..

well, i juz have to wait for my prince charming to come... save to the rescue.. whatever... i dont want him, not anymore, tired laa running on and off, i have my own desicion, i have my own tots and feelings.. well... its juz the end, he missd me.. yeah at certain stage i do missd him... but... i have my own thing

thanks to shedee for alwiz be thre for me... juz remains whatever it is... we'll c in cairo soon ya... hahah... i juz want to get away.. atleast i can go thre alone.. yeah... m not scared, m like this... alone but not lonely... nymore... i realize soo many things... it takes time rite...

i do feel m in love.. i think dat is y m alwiz happy, mabe..

I'm not looking for someone to talk to
I've got my friends, I'm more than okay
I've got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams, but it's not all they say

Still I believe
(I'm missing...)
I'm missing something real
I need someone who releases me

(Don't want to wake...)
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believing you'll walk in my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

I've often wondered if love's an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't critisise it, I had no hesitations
My imagination just stole me away

Still I believe
(I'm missing...)
I'm missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

(Don't want to wake...)
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believeing you'll walk in my door
All I need is to know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

[Guitar/Tin whistle solo]

Love's for a lifetime
Not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
I'm only human
And nights grow colder
With noone to love me that way

I need someone who releases me

(Don't want to wake...)
Don't want to wake up alone anymore
Still believeing you'll walk through my door
You'll reach for me and I'll know it's for sure
Then I'll give all the love in the world

(Don't want to wake up alone anymore)
All alone
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Just reach for me
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Don't want to be alone
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Don't want to wake up alone
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Let me know it's sure
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Still believe in someone
(Don't want to wake up alone)
When you reach for me
(Don't want to wake up alone)
Let me know it's for real

urm..... i do feel like falling in love but dunno y, and well... m njoy dis..out of sudden haha...love is beautiful... feels sleepy.. nothing much to do write.. cos tired...

You won't admit you love me
And so how am I ever to know?
You always tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

A million times I've asked you,
And then I ask you over again
You only answer
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't wanna wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes, but if you don't dear, confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

If you can't make your mind up
We'll never get started
And I don't wanna wind up
Being parted, broken-hearted

So if you really love me
Say yes, but if you don't dear, confess
And please don't tell me
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Irresistable....

2005-10-29T05:21:00.000-07:00

me? ahaha... empphh tiru shidee... bese laa tu,
shedee: udah bee tueeshedee: irresistable nyer stokbchan: urm...bchan: kalo idakbchan: takkan dd datg balikbchan: menagih nomo tiponbchan: yer dakshedee: hotel la kotbchan: im soooo irrestebel laa niebchan: hotel ?bchan: urm..bchan: tolong ler sebey2 kanshedee: bleh kotshedee: diary kapabchan: asal?shedee: bdk2 bese bwk tamu keshedee: takshedee: dlm dairy abg mcm adashedee: diaryshedee: dairy milk apa daashedee: kalau lepak umah tazah yg kamceng ngan abg ok?shedee: ke tabeshbchan: tanakbchan: b tau laa stoknyer camnebchan: aiseyshedee: nak dtg bulan Brp niebchan: bukan dak kenaibchan: laashedee: apa yg aisehbchan: abg kata abg balik sinibchan: kalo abg idka balikshedee: aaaaabchan: idak
perbualan pd mlm nie ahahah.. mmg byk pujian2 dr die.. well.. take dat as a compliment, if he's not being sincere.. i will know, but juz imagine 5-6 yrs we still be friends

penat rinie, soo tired, even at home, still doin some research, yeah, i like this, not complaint, i dont have nybody i this is what i shud do, focus on my career..
want to go to cairo next yr, which i will, buying laptop, soon hahaha....
got to stop ere....

tired & sleepy even after cappucino...............................

I want To bREak FrEE

2005-10-27T21:04:00.000-07:00

I want to break free........... m a free woman now, i realized evrything yesterday, and m not doing the same fucking mistakesssssssss again, it was really a mistake!

i thank to god for his energy, feels sooo blessed cos he opened up my heart, make me see things clearly.. atlast.... i wont be cheated with his act after this, wether he crawl, beg.. its empty...

work- its wonderful, believed me! im looking forward to close deal by after hari raya, m giving my self after dat, for senior mgt position, god plese help me heheheh....

i wish to go to cairo next yr, i have special tour guide thre ...

love is wonderful, love is great... when u know what love is really mean, happiness is in u, when u r happy, its really projected... believe me!

dEcisiOn MakIn'

2005-10-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

Purple.... feels like to cry now, dunno y....congratulation to me... got a new job, well m lookin forward to... start fresh start new.. gud luck comes in 3... the next one is... he wants me back, well, m tired being a gf, being a fiance.. i want to be a wife... great wife... dats a bout it.. he believes what her fren told her compare to me.. well to be frank, m happy now, wif or without him. but i dont have the OriGinAliTy why did he wants me back!!! I juz need for the truth n sincerity.. i gave up most of my male frens.. cos i want to clear up my mind, i want to be ma self... enjoying evry moment in my life... he askd me to wear the ring back, asked me weather ive changed or not, well... if i want to change it for my self certainly.. i can be happy, i can be love... i feels all of that.... and y out of sudden he wants me back!

talking bout men, my sifu did know what i want in a men, what a criteria that ive wished for... but now... i want to focus in my career, i want to work hard, i want to travel so see all god's creation for man.. its not all.. my self is more important, yes m being selfish, what do i get from him, its not about being sincere or not, m being sincere for all the times.. m being positive, try to... be positive all the way, i have god who alwiz lead me, i have my sife as a medium, i have my sis as a sparing partner, i have spirtual frens who alwiz being guided all the time... oh yes.. we r move to the next level... which is im soooooooo blessed!

Life- put as a green colour.... i dont want to think about realtionship, cos at the moment, m soo afraid or realationship.. men comes wif intension, not being sincere n truthful to me.. m happy at the moment wif evrythg, i know that he was the love of my life.. but well... what do u xpected after he juz leave u like that, yes i know, ive took all the positive things from it, and yeah... i dont know who shud i trust, who shud i spend mylife wif... m soo afraid of this, im soo broken, m soo down, been thre, suffer that, i dont want dat is happening again, god.. please guide me...

i dont want dis interupt my emotional stability and of cos my spiritual power! i will make sure nothing will disturb, future is uncertain, i know, nothing is forever, i aware this.. but the most important thing is i want to be happy, m happy rite now, i love my self more den nything... i soo blessed and thankful what god has lead me, till now.. to let me feel his energy, i dont want to be contradict, when m alone, i know what i want, but when m wif him... i dont know what i want.. :((, i dont want to be sad nymore... no rain in my heart...

nothing more, nothing less, juz be happy, if it is the best
bind my heart, bind my sould, bind from any harm that will course
tru the nite across the day
i know my happiness will be in every way
love myself, love is everything
thank god for makin me feel dis way.

spread the LOVE... energy
spread the HAPPINESS energy

Since U've Been Gone~

2005-10-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

Life never been better than now, dont have to wake up to cook anymore hahaha... well, i did it for love u know...and njoyg life like dis, less commitment.. less responsibility, b4 u love nybody, u have to LLOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE ur self i love ma self, i enjyg life like dis.. really.. tayah nak pening pala to think bout other xcept ppl dat conected to u spritually... ;)..
breakfast wif all the spritual frens.. urm.. dat is y m being more spritual tonite kut, mls lak nak tulis cheque, sleepy, mandi pon lom hahahah
2mrw my last day working, settle evrythg.. settle all the karma...

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I'd never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

Behind these HaZel Eyes...
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Yup, now i can breath, i can do my thingy without hesitation, i dont have to depend on others, i know u want it more and more, i can see dat, i can feel dat... well, juz go and f*** around by urself.. got much ****** *** than u.. oh my, sounds so bitchy, well, yeah its juz a feelin, my wish was granted, i dont have to c him for the rest of my beautiful life ever... i dont want to waste ny beautiful moment and lovely time for him... oh it was a stupid thing that i commited b4, cant imagine y i cant break it b4, b4 we're gone till this shitin' yrs.. oh my... pity me yeah cos so ***** blind, love... na.. now much better... i dont have to serve him or who ever now... i deserves some1 much much much and much better than him... cut off emotionally, finally, juz bring a karma and bad luck series... u want me to come back to u? in the future perhaps? oh my... not even in my next life my dear... m not a thing that u cud take and use whenever u wanted... i wont sacrifice nythg nymore... i've wasted my 3 beautiful yrs wif u which i cud get some1 better than u at that time.... urm.. yup my mistake my bad.. i cant c things clearly.. whatever... i dont want to think about it, cos it makes me sick, sickly sick when to think it over... self motivated hahaha... its gud, b positive... urm... i dont know how u want to gain ur confidence hah! whatver...life is great, i dont want to end, when we've parted and when its end.... halleluyah ( x speling)

I Hope I dOnT faLL iN loVe wiTh U..

2005-10-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

You keep saying you've got something for me.
something you call love, but confess.
You've been messin' where you shouldn't have been a messin'
and now someone else is gettin' all your best.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You keep lying, when you oughta be truthin'
and you keep losin' when you oughta not bet.
You keep samin' when you oughta be changin'.
Now what's right is right, but you ain't been right yet.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

You keep playin' where you shouldn't be playin
and you keep thinkin' that youÂ´ll never get burnt.
Ha!
I just found me a brand new box of matches yeah
and what he know you ain't HAD time to learn.

These boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do
one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

Now, m walking over all of u, the dream was nice, thanx to god to give the glanced yeah its because dat is what ive wished, not the exact view, nyway... m thankful i know he's thre, i know i what shud i do now.. it makes me feel much better..... bored, m so bored today.. its raining...hungry abit, loose more weight, not complaining ya.. m juz happy with my achivement.. nex wik will go dinner wif my frens at ph, quiet some times didnt go thre.. well.. this time manage to go.. ive got my happy life again, n really understand dat, no one cud makes me happy except my self, atleast i didnt hang up my problem like such a person, i solved it, ive settle it, what ever evrybody think of me, its not my problem nymore... love is everywhre... spread the love and happines energy.................................... :-*

I Hope I dOnT faLL iN loVe wiTh U..

2005-10-15T06:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I hope that I don't fall in love with you.
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue.
When the music plays and you display your heart for me to see.
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me.
And, I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well, the room is crowded, people everywhere.
And I wonder should I offer you a chair.
Well, if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it.
Before the evening's gone away, I think that we could make it.
And, I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

Well, the night does funny things inside a man.
This old tom-cat feelings you don't understand.
Well, I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette.
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met.
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you.

I can see that you are lonesome, just like me.
And it being late, you'd like some company.
Well, I turn around to look at you, and you look back at me.
The guy you're with has up and split, the chair next to you is free.
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me.

It's closing time, the music's fading out.
Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout.
Well, I turn around to look at you, you're nowwhere to be found.
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round.

And I think that I just fell in love with you.

dOnt

2005-10-14T21:24:00.000-07:00

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

Girl, you know you got me, got me
With your pistol shot me, shot me
And I'm here helplessly
In love and nothing can stop me
You can't stop me cause once I start it
Can't return me cause once you bought it
I'm coming baby, don't got it (don't make me wait)
So let's be about it

No, no, no, no, don't phunk with my heart

Baby, have some trustin', trustin'
When I come in lustin', lustin'
Cause I bring you that comfort
I ain't only here cause I want ya body
I want your mind too
Interestin's what I find you
And I'm interested in the long haul
Come on girl (yee-haw)

(come on)

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

No, no, no, no, don't phunk with my heart

Girl, you had me, once you kissed me
My love for you is not iffy
I always want you with me
I'll play Bobby and you'll play Whitney
If you smoke, I'll smoke too
That's how much I'm in love with you
Crazy is what crazy do
Crazy in love, I'm a crazy fool

No, no, no, no, don't phunk with my heart

Why are you so insecure
When you got passion and love her
You always claimin' I'm a cheater
Think I'd up and go leave ya
For another seáorita
You forgot that I need ya
You must've caught amnesia
That's why you don't believe

(uh, yeah, check it out)

Don't you worry 'bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Baby girl, you make me feel
You know you make me feel so real
I love you more than sex appeal
(Cause you're)
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [5x]

[overlapping]
No, no, no, no, don't phunk with my heart
No, no, no, no, don't phunk with my heart
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby) [4x]

Don't you worry 'bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don't you worry 'bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Life seems much better and better... i dont have to complaint nything, m juz... share, shedee sms.. cam x puas hati jek when i mention bout his name... no feeling, juz neutral, well... this is what i want, i wished for... now, juz wait for the rite moment... things will happen... i believe dat.. wish me luck everybody in my next journey, i dont want the same pattern, keep away from any bad intension...

I FinaLLy found my Love, Life, Happiness and most of all.... the truth and sincerity....

2005-10-13T22:18:00.000-07:00

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we’d have to go through
Now here we are, I’m suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I’ve been waiting so long
Nothing’s gonna tear us apart

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Yeah

Life is a road that I wanna keep going on
Love is a river, I wanna keep going

Starting out on a journey

Life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Anastasia ost...

Love -- i found it, its in me... not thre not the other side, but in me... thanx to u god... i feel so much alive.. to move on, to continue my journey of life...

Life -- yup... m on my track back, already xplode but now... i wont turn back, keep on moving, juz a glance ... waiting juz maybe... not so sure bout that... no expectation juz enjoy my life... i swear ill try to listen his advice err... er...

Happiness -- urm... hapiness yup its all in me, only me who allowed myself how deep i want to be, how sad i want to be, what i want to be.. :)... yup, already what i wish for.. devoted all my life to god, to be one of his greatest servant... to experince god... that's life ..!

Truth n sincerity -- na... i want to see the truth realize the truth, and feel it.. i will know, i will be alwis sincere n truthful... i dont intend to get something in return cos.. it shows.. i have to change my self 1st, gud attitude, positive all the way, be happy, thankful to god, no worries.. heheh.. DONT COMPLAINT! the most important things..

shidee, afaz, k.ida... yup those got my blog add... i am sincere towards all of u, including im as well, but its like... if u r not sincere being my fren cant forced u, its within urself actually, now m move on not turning back... juz a glance, and waiting... maybe,.. i dunno... m happy like dis, when we parted today.. oh ya.. i cud c the whole picture of evrything... ended my karma, i wont start another karma, oh god please.. mus thanx for the advice, know that u didnt read this, plus take care of ur lovely wife.. hehehe...
i make my self clear... oh yeah david.. i dont know what to do wif u, yes m happy to be wif u, make me wiser, dis and dat, but thres no comitment, yes life is fun, but, u have to add responsibilty as well... it will make it complete... but really, if u want to be happy not cos the one u love, not bout being rich.. or what... its u.. when u cud find ur happiness inside ur self... u know.. ull understand.. life is juz a big jokes... dats all...
im, my was im, thanx for those 3yrs.. though not much dat i cud learnd from u, but atleast i know the truth in sincerity, from u david n didi, so many Ds hahaha...
i learnd my lesson well, this hardship, this karma, this series bad luck... not balming nybody... but i am happy to be alone means single single compare to have fling here and there, i want to focus on my work... i have a lots of love... i will spread all thoe love... cos m happy.... life is simple when u r really understand about it.... buena noches evrybody... happy, pleasure to know all of u... to me.. its not an end.. but juz the beginning..

what is sincere, what is not, what is gud, what is bad.. define gud, define bad....

2005-10-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

LifE -- i know what is sincere what is not, that is my wish and god granted the wish.. am i sad, yes, a bit, cos, its really painful, when u r sincere but the other party is not, but well, god showed it to me.. tru his medium, what ive suspected is true, yeah that is y m sad of, actually nothing to be sad of, its like... yeah.. i already cut off wif him what.. no need further explaination.. what shud i be sad cos of that reason, i shud be thankful to god cos he show me the truth and sincerity....

ForeVER -- nothing is forever, journey is endless, but we live forever and ever.. urm.. love is sweet, juz enjoying the moment now, to be part of this world, to be positive, feeling much better, and m soo greatful cos of his decision, this thing happend, yeah... i know i learned from hard way now, but atleast i know how does it feel exactly, this is my journey, that is my past, love is around me, and i know my love will last....

ReD-- i alwis love this colour, i know y, that is y its called redvenus ma... heheheh... maybe too much red kot, well, i think, lack of green... lies end, truth will show, it is what u want, well now i can see the truth...

Work -- when talk about work, i dunno what to comments what to say, and what to do... juz let it be.. juz follow the flow.. feeling much better now than ever....

thanks sifu, my sis and frens... hahahaha HIDUP SIHAT NIKMAT

Endlessly LiFE....

2005-10-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

Sleepy... soooooo sleeeeeeeppyyyyy... tired, my eyes looked like m not been sleeping for a week ( accordg to my sis).. i dunno... maybe... tired, load of works. this and that....

LonELy... feels soo lonely n msg to my sifu, and him, naa nothing much now lah... juz b happy but m sleepy hahahah... shedee keep sms me, i juz cant reply ur sms, i dont know y, let it be... 2mrw kitchen sampai and my divan, atlast.. urm... no men allowed on the bed, virgin bed.. hahah what a word...

LoVE.. well, m spreading the love energy, the happy energy, the peaceful energy, i want to be happy, i want to cut the bad luck series....

ZzZzZZzZZzzzzZZZ , cant think much, 2mrw got presenttn, well, ganbatte la... heheheh

is this what i alwiz wanted??

2005-10-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

LiFE, ..... starting this journey until end which is never end actually, though nothing is forever, uncertain future, i already make my decision, this decision, ive submitted evrythg to god, i can see the truthful and sincerity... i will spread love and happiness energy all the way... tru... one last men that its hard for me to do, to let him go... but... sooner or later i have to do this as well, its juz a matter of time.... the soonest i cud get rid of him, the better my life will be....

i dont want my energy level been flopped, take away all by the negetive, i want to be more than stable, more than the best, i believe god will understand me... am i happy being like this... i am happy if my energy level cud be stable now, m cry, m suffer, go kuku, but it juz affect me, only me and god's divine energy , i dont want to try, i want to make things better for my self, be happy, be in love, be blessed, be thankful, no worries.. and it make my life more beautiful than ever....

TeARs, .... no more tears of sadness nymore, all the happy tears i will shed from now on... bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from any harm will cause... from now on, m on my own, totally, it will be beautiful... he doesnt need me nymore, well, in terms of need, what kind of need that i want and he wants,

It’s funny cause, for a while,I walked around with a smile but,

Deep inside, I could hear, voices telling me this ain't right.

Don’t you know, it’s not for you,I always knew what I had to do.

But it’s hard, to get away,Because I love you I just tried to stay.

I used to say I couldn’t do it but I did it,

After telling everybody that I wasn't with it,

Though it brings tears to my eyes, I can feel it

And I know inside I’ma be alright.I used to say

I couldn’t do it but I did it,

After telling everybody that I wasn't with it,

Though it brings tears to my eyes,

I can feel itAnd that voice inside says

I’m gonna be alright

Friends of mine, say to me,They say you got control over me.

You’re not alone, I played my part,

I saw the way you were from the start

Could I expect, so much from you,

You had a girl when I first met you.

Did the best that you could do

Now I realize I can't change you

Said I wouldn't walk away,

Some days I want to stay,

But leaving you is what I need to do to be okay.

Never thought it would be true,

Me livin' without you,

But now it's time for me to make that move.

Get rid of series bad luck, get rid of everything, i have rights to do what ever ive wanted and wish for... best of days, dont gv a dirt, i know i will be amaze with the life that ive alwis wanted... amen

Well, cant resist to write again, m in ere..

Here I am playing with those memories again

And just when I thought time had set me free

Those thoughts of you keep taunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew

Though each and every part of me has tried

Only you can fill that space inside

So there’s no sense pretending

My heart it’s not mending

Just when I thought I was over you

And just when I thought I could stand on my own

Oh baby those memories come crashing through

And I just can’t go on without

On my own I’ve tried to make the best of it alone

I’ve done everything I can to ease the pain

But only you can stop the rain

I just can’t live without you

I miss everything about you

nothing more nothing less, feel i cud tru this, thanx shedee that u cud understand, thanx to evry men that cud understand, this path its not ez in the beginning, i know, to build up back, to keep on track back, but m sure i cud do dat, manage dat, surpass dat, been thre done dat, hahhaah...stop the crush, stop the fling, i dont need that crush as well as the fling, life's will be great, life's will be beautiful, i dont live in fantasy but i am actress to this play, thou nite is cold without u, and day is hotter without u, but ur decision makes me choose this path, m happy, i let go, let u know what m feel, to u n evybody, feel much better, i know i will be fine, i will follow ur advice, gud advice from evrybody... i know that m stubborn, and m alwiz have a soft spot, all ppl got soft spot oso... no hatred, no grundge, no cursing... spread the love and happines and peaceful energy... err quit smoking not stop...

only ur self makes cud make do whatever u want to, to be happy, to be hurt, to be annoying, ur self cud allowed that, life... take it in a positive way... HIDUP SIHAT NIKMAT!

uncertain future

2005-09-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

LIFE ~ wish all its the best

FOCUS ~ in work, the energy mould to that path

LOVE ~ i have a lots of love, well,juz my love hasnt spark yet... hahahah not at the moment

WORK ~ got to find another job, nothing is forever what!

HIDUP , SIHAT, NIKMAT

da ngantuk, timeless makes me feel so appreciate time so much than b4, i will continue this journey and make the best for it...

no more him, him, him, him, him, and him and him :)).... so many him ya... all of them are r*****, really, focus on my work, which is more important now, than nythg..... ZZZZZzzzzZzzZZzZZz

bind my heart, bind my soul, bind from anyharm dat will cause...

2005-09-22T04:05:00.000-07:00

tiring, a loads of things going on, well this is life then, i want to make it meaningful... the moer i focus on my work, the more i did wrong, strange and dunno y it happened, him... dats it, its juz a fling to me... im done with him, never enuff? well, i have my own time limit, my own rules, my own teritory and my own boundaries...
it wont happened again, yes i feel cheated, i surpass that feeling, now juz im neutral.

LOVE.... endlessly... hahaha well nothing is forever.... human did stupid things for diffrent reasons, like me, i know i crossed the line, but well, i already got what ive wanted... well... now i make my move, him.... i dont know, i juz want the sincerity and truthfullness, well we'll see... im prepared.. thre's no hope at all, i juz go with the flow about my life now... another him, still sickening, still i cant read his mind but its soo fucking over, c i have to curse, yeah u dont want me, like i want u back but dont asked anymore.... cant u feel shame about urself, o my god, i dont know what is happening to him.....

LIFE .... keeps flowing, keep bumping, well i still can manage things it shud be fine.....

WORK --- god i need more energy :((, feel dunno upset with my performance dunno y lor.... huhuhuhu...

WISH - for smooth sailing ahead, better life, better performance, succeess and hapiness all the way!

HIDUP, SIHAT, NIKMAT!

nice, heavenly, evil me heheheh....

2005-09-15T05:46:00.000-07:00

well, things goin smooth today, and my housemet likes me... i asked my fren, all the swit things dat he sd, all the men longed for me... but y he left me... urm... called my iranian frens, and might meet up somewhre next wik hopefully i dont have to go to s'pore...... nothing much to said, he seems cool, matured, aged guys, atleast i dont have to face 'that' kind of situation anymore!

life.. seemssss much much wonderful....

2005-09-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

lack of green... add it some... life.. seems very2 interesting today.... oh since las nite... well, im not a service center, and come 1 more sms... which is makes me... wondering.... i didnt do nythg, juz be myself, nyjoy what ive did... and do... urm... very2 surprising... like sheede sd, men cant resist me.. oh reallly? urm... i dont know which side and part of me is dat.. but.. he left me.. juz dont care, it about the past.... why i shud brought up the subject ya...

its not about forgiveness... i cant feel nythg, but i can feel certain things which is some ppl wont feel n understand, i dont underestimate nybody.. i dont jugde... but i can feel.... the energy is thre... the voice that i will hear, the eyes which sometimes hide cos u see not what u feel....

love is evrywhre... haf to focus on work... love is evrywhre, i belive when the time comes, the time will comes... maybe i look naive, innocent, u can sd whatever u think, but... m unpredictable... really.. i can be sooo damn gud, nauti and very very devilish.... of cos ppl dont know what ive been into for all these years... juz value all those things which passes me by evryday... i dont care wether u r sooooo damn rich, or whatever... well... u juz human.... not more than human, which i can see tru things... this part hv to thank specially to god... the chosen one... hahahaha like mtv plak....

i value evrythg, i observe tru feelings.. im not looking tru the eyes but the heart... after second phase... it would be soo much fun in terms of evrything... specially... ehem ehem... yeah...its for my own gud what.. what i want... urmm.. u have to know what do u want... what do u need, i know what i want... but seems thing is sooooo complicated now, i have to back off... cos i can feel every movement, evry intention... so... i dont want to lead the game nymore.. same bored story or game... ive took the risk b4, and ive won, which game i didnt won.. talk big... no... its the truth, im tired with those game nymore... juz want to settle down which some of my frens know which kind of guy that i want...

though life is lonely at this time, but... i value it... cherish evry moment dat ive been tru past this weeks... focus what do u want, be sincere, thankful to god and be blessed.... and life become more and more wonderful... sometimes things happen without reasons....

Y my sorrounding is soooooo tense today? huhuh

2005-09-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

i lack of green colours, anyway... life is soo gloomy , flat and low today.... well, i dont want anythg stupid will happen to me, sms sheede kat cairo, yeah, he will listening all the keluhan rasa, dat is what frens r for rite, and called waney... yup.. m not cheap, not stupid, not blind anymore... like i dont know what u want from me.. sorry guys have to be general... so rasa2 sapa2 yg trasa tu.. m not say sorry, but believe me... when the times come the times will come, buku ngan ruas...

i want to make my life is beautiful, happy and lots of lots of lots of joy and love... no one cud understand what crap m talking about, at this time i know a lots of lots of idiots want to make a move and take advantage on me, well, that wont happened... i believe dat, love cant come like a weeks or two, love need times and evrythg, i dont blame nyone ere, juz why they cant think anythg else except sex, dont u know how or feel respect, love, life, understanding...

na.. i juz want to get rid of evrytg, i know currently m fragile, but its dont mean that m stupid, blind though i look innocent... i look petite or whatever.... but still... thre's a lot ppl will protect me and guide me... no one can touch k****'s family.. never... and ever... love is swit but revenge is better but it was... now ive changed ;), no revenge, no hatred, wish no more sadness, loneliness and emptiness, gloomy and flat...

thanx sheede, afaz, waney... k.ida.. sapa lg.. of cos my sis and my sifu....i know life is beautifull sometimes... all the bumpy road its too hard for me to take... the river full of stone, the sea with soo many iceberg... urm.. hard to breath, my chest painful.... too sad to handle things... ppl wont c the fragile part of me that much xcept sheedee... rite? suke laa tu, org dok puji2 die...

god, i want to be the gr8 servant of yours, i want to archive what ive wanted, ive choose this bcos, this is my decision and i know that u know the result, make me strong, make me great, im juz a human being, y my life seems need a break, i dont curse, i make spell, cos it not about the glimpse but its a matter of doing well.... for 26 yrs my journey... i do a lots of things.... gone tru all my karma, like now... make bad wish, being soooo nauti, being soo unpredictable... yeahyeah.. dont believe ur eyes, ur eyes will alwis lie to u... errr sometimes heheh... :-*.. c me in ur dream, the dream that wont last, i alwis be me, if u r since enuff our frenship will last... take care, c ya in next blog.....

me n my life

2005-09-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

urm... settle evrything, move out, changed number... onli my work.. waaa :((, kene marah ngan bos, make sure it didnt happen, the quality dat counts.... at last ive met him, he's cute, swit, charm.... petite like me... well, juz hoping for the best lor...
when ive returned the key, seems the parents regreted and hoped that something gud will happened, reconcile ( cam slah spell jek), but.. in my heart, thre's nothing left anymore... like what he told me, things happened for reasons, move on, now... it is what will i do.. i will stop smoking for sure, i wont cut my self(barberque promises), happy to be happy, wif my new life, cos i know, its not about me, its about him.... life is a big jokes n just laugh all the way... lor...

i missed someone, dunno wether its rite or wrong, dont be jugdemental, hope for the best, hope for positive, be positive all the way....n put the highest tot, its never too late...cos ppl dat create time...its nice to be wif him... i cant sd much... its only in my heart.....

take care guys... lots of love to u... and many thanx... need time to adjust a few things... in my life....well after all
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL....

2005-09-08T04:24:00.000-07:00

a past so deep that even you could not bury if you triedafter all this timeI never thought we'd be herenever thought we'd be herewhen my love for you was blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowa part of me died when I let you goI would fall asleeponly in hopes of dreamingthat everything would be like is was beforebut nights like this it seems are slowly fleetingthey disappear as reality is crashing to the floorafter all this timeI never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be herewhen my love for you was blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you'll ever knowa part of me died when I let you goafter all this timewould you ever wanna leave itmaybe you could not believe itthat my love for you was blindbut I couldn't make you see itcouldn't make you see itthat I loved you more than you will ever knowa part of me died when I let you goand I loved you more than you'll ever know a part of me dies when I let you go

urm... i was blind.... but now ive open my eyes.... tired, at last, can go back 2mrw, yeay.. boss cam nak balik jek yehaaaa.... suke... balik awal.... x sempat nak write stuff byk2... x perlaa... urm.. got call from kl, not my sis, happy? hehehe yup... no reason, like ive told some1, do we need reason to love some1?... i dont think so, some of things we dont need reason.. like... the spritual thingy, let it be.... urm.. kat sini x leh ckp byk2... kene sekat2... urm...
miss m'sia, those ppl that care for me lor......

urmm.....

2005-09-07T21:50:00.000-07:00

urmm... still ere, still breathing, still as wonderful as i can be... having my lunch... at 4, hahaha but no worries come at 12, following the bos meh, gastric asidic... but well the air compression maybe... somebody misses me... my sis of course... heheh... yup missed her too... to close, gud and bad sometimes... ya ya when uve into my 'thingy' then u know.... y heheh....
another person also misses me... the 1st time come to the spore, feels like, i know dat nobody's waiting and not leaving nybody... but now... :).... no answer hahahah... oh god, thanks for evrythg...
across the nite, beneath the ocean, ive let go the memories, and now im ready to begin, journey without u, to live without u, this is ur choice n this is my decision. i wont turn it back, i wont live in past, i have to go on, in oder to make my new love last....
to be continue.... lapa... nak mkn dulu.... ;)
now 9 plus, still in the office, so take this chances to continue my blog... period pain.... huhuhu think go back on friday.. seems like, plus with the photo still not fin to print out... nvm, m okay... nothing much to complaint, got hsbc intervw, dunno want to go or not, for the sake of enjoying the intervw mabe... hehhehehe.... having fun? of course, m njoying everythg, compare to the last time.. really... tired? we are human, of cos u will feel that, but if u r enjoy the thing it shudnt be dat bad though...
shedee.. dunno senyap lak, my credit is running very2 low, yeah... now evrybodys look like to call me n sms me, but when in m'sia nobody wanted to.. i miss ehsan... dunno how is he coop with his back, hopefully he will getting better... now dun have much iranian fren, atieh, nobody want to teach me those persian, divune, koshkol, akhamaq, those bad words, gooidamit... ahahah... miss those days, the fud, the tibits... urm...
well, hoping everyday will be soo much wonderful and beatiful and smooth sailing..... thanx frens, thanx sis, thanx sifu and specially to god, cos m njoying more than ever..... meaningful of life, become more and more powerful in term of spiritual power... journey will continue......

STILL....

2005-09-06T03:21:00.000-07:00

yup, still ere... khamis br balik, tunggu photo printing, staff x ckp today, tem staff pon tadek, kelam kabot giler, pg2 dah dkejutkan ngan sms yg x disenangi, skang nie tgh bz, td da ok sket, ada org ajak dinner umah die, home cook and guys cooking heheheh... 1st time though..
HUH... what a day, but go back early today yehaa... early pon its like arnd 8 oso... yesterday..shopping, bought a skirt. boots.. an investment, no clubbing ere, no time, but got a gud frens around ere, personal shopper heheheh.....
life seems' pretty hetic today, oh reallly, but still can manage... nak beli hp kida cam x sempat, next trip soon, i tot ive deleted the pix, but he got copy of dat, whatever... and he still not agree wif the pix dat ive email, men, full of reasons and evrthgs, yeah, i know not all, whatever... but dont hunt me in my dream nymore, im tired wif all the games...
let me settle in peace, urm.. maid sini sumi namanyer, baik sekali, ... haahhahaha gaya2 indon, x apalaa... well. i will miss s'pore, frens, shopping... ada laa beli souviner budus2... itu jek yg mampu, salary x dapek lg, claim lg laa... nie kie blom pon sebulan... im ok, fine with this job, for a moment, life is meaningless, and i want to make it happy, go with the flow... i love me!

kije yg melambak

2005-09-03T10:21:00.000-07:00

hahaha... gud morning evrybody... skang nie kene siapkan kije by 2mrw, by hook or by crook, well, life, i want to make my life meaningful as the life is meaningless... i want to create my whole day to be such a wonderful moment by value evry moment, evry precious moment, kata laa divune pon, its my life, my journey and only me who can create and make it meaningful. sure my sis miss me hehehe... semlm juz sms jek dpt... soon nak wat telepathy, urmm.. so evrythg would be secret and only us cud know n understand, missing malaysia? not really.. im more to missing a few people... i know dat the person knows... sending an energy towards them and telling i m missing them :-*...... m njoying what am i doing now, appreciate what god gave to me and will give to me.. be blessed my frens... put the highest tot, alwiz and be positive... god helps who helps themselves..... amen...

dah kat kol 6, org melambak2 kat luor, data entry x siap lg, headache tatau asal,... dah kuar kan pix yg xberhati perut tuh.. kang org kata aku saiko lak heheh... dunno exact date to go back to mesia... nak kene pendah lg, nak kene tuko line br lagi... byk kije tp enjoy laa juge.. biarlaa what other ppl saying about whatever things.... who am i to jugde, who can tell u what is rite or wrong... afraid a bit to trust other ppl, after 1 by 1 incident happend, juz wish god give me soo much strenght to move on, to face life... to continue my journey... cutoff or detachment.. ill do both urmm.... life, something or like it!

hehehe safe n sound

2005-09-02T03:32:00.000-07:00

urm.... shidee suke sgt biler moaning camtu :)) cam die pernah dgr lak, well... mlm td tiduran ku dganggu... cumel namanyer didi, tadek laa ganggu sgt, tp tgh2 time tido... its juz i think im sounded sexy hahah perasan.... x leh lama... bos dah jeling2 hahah... ada masa update lagi...

ke S'pore lagi...

2005-09-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

br sampai umah, settle kan a few things, pg td ada meting ngan olympia, will get the biz, not worry at all, tatau plak kali ni balik biler hehehe.... m njoying this job, but the parents seems the opposite.. hahahah whateverlaaa parents tot.. ppn kene dok opis, x leh bjalan2 salu kot laaa. worried too much... i feel... pas ni layan bleach.. cam bese laaa ngan anime, dah tue2 pon camni .. age is juz a number.. time is timelss... ppl create the time...
byk nak kene spend masa kije nie, dis n dat, bukan nak complaint but now.. m njoying every moment.. i appreciate more..i love mylife like dis, soo many things happend a past few weeks back.. well i managed to overcome evrythg at last, thank god and thank to the kalam's' family specially my SIFU, he knows much better than the rest, we r not depend on him, but he is our guide towards the journey.. ppl wont understand much though...
well, ive change alot and it makes me sooooooo happy... tremendously happy, god knows.. i believe dat, i wont get angry ezly, pissed off ezly.. changed for myself.... gud things will happen, i know n i believe....
i wont talk about my past life ere... basically wif all the men, my latest xbf... thre's nothing to talk about wif, nothing to share wif, all i know dat i love myself.. and those who come after dis, sure they will love and lots of love they will give.. dat is promising... hehehe.. let gone be by gone!

the journey will continue... it wont end, in never end.. just put the highest tot, be positive... and clear the subconcious mind... clear my database... to be stabilize and the enlightment process will be much eziar and faster.. want to be a witch.. well.. seems its not suitable so... i'll do tantric instead.. :)) master of it... ahahhaa..

frens.. i love u guys no matter who u r, m not a judgmental person.. the way i used to .. err mabe... i love evrythg, njoying evrythg......

2005-09-01T04:10:00.000-07:00

this is me then....

Life is Beatiful

2005-08-31T08:31:00.000-07:00

Life, love and journey.. it wouldnt end... for the rest of my life... test test jek, baru berjinak2 wat blog, pasal, single life nie camnie la... dulu berkepit jek, so skang nie, this is my life, new life... :-*